I am going away

my time will be very limited so i probably will not be able to blog or catch up with you all on blogs

you gotta make sacrifices in this life right especially if you want to grow and be a better person...

again talk about a year for growth everything continues to change and move and evolve i have been stretched and learning about myself more and more and more and even knowing what people "think that they know" and getting them to know that they don't know anything at all and neither do i...

ha

its all a process...

but i know i will come out on top i am so focused NOW FINALLY

its all falling into place and i had a revelation the other day...i am so blessed

i have a new job and a new HOME a house and i have a new LOVE

what a difference a year can make...

don't get me wrong my life is not perfect but its good and its going to keep getting better because its all a matter of letting go and letting GOD

yea most of us say it and we have faith but we are always holding on to that little bit of control we have in our lives or that little bit of control we want in our lives! but i realize i have no control over the bigger picture and that i have to have faith that things will work out has they are supposed to as long as i do my part and work to be the best person that i can be it will all work out...

so again i'll try my best to check in on ya'll but until then

be blessed my people!

peace

checking my fresh

or not so fresh attitude

man as you get older you have to take the rose colored glasses off people including yourself...
and man oh man have i come a long way but man oh man do i have a ways to go!

CLEARLY when anyone is stressed they can tend to be a little mean...well i was a LOT mean...and he was my punching bag, like any little thing he did i was ALL over it...bless his little heart for staying in there with me...

reality is i am not perfect and admittedly he thought i was up until that point...i know you guys are like what he thought she was perfect...but that's what he thought...

we got through it but man did i learn a lot about myself in the process like you really do not have to be mean to someone and when you need a break take a break like its not necessary to inflict pain others just because my life has been crazy...reality is i just wanted him around to make it all better but at the same time...yea i don't know

but i understand that you don't do that to those you care about...now don't get me wrong we all KNOW that in theory but i needed to learn how to love again...

that's it i am learning how to love not again, but to love in general...i have been through so much stuff and the walls are so high that i was just being mean to him...it was short lived but short is still to much...

we all have those moments they always say you hurt those closests to you but why...i dont' know maybe we think that they can take it, or maybe subconsciously we are testing them, whatever the reason is i know now not to treat him or anyone else like that...most of all i have learned not to treat ME like that!

i am going to learn to say NO that's right i have realized that me trying to be everything to everybody left NOTHING for me and when you leave nothing for yourself and you are just empty and drained you get mad and you get bitter...

so lesson learned

1 don't let it get like that! as much as i can i will make time for me even when life gets really hectic and will make sure that my heart, soul and spirit are taken care of

2 do NOT treat those you love care about care for, whatever, any which a way...they have feelings too...

3 i am not perfect and i can't do it all! so do what is in reason and keep it moving

i never want to let people down and in the end i let myself down because i have done to much...

yea i am all over the place

can you all relate? maybe you can maybe you can't...

learning to love (not again but like for the very first time) wow...another post another day