no one...

i awake this morning to your voice
then i get a text
then another that just completely blows me away...

it hasn't always been easy, we have bumped heads, we have had "mis communications & misunderstandings..." but we kept right on keeping on...and i am grateful that i followed my instincts and my heart about you...

and even IF things don't work out, because "forever isn't always" i know that i learned and grew from knowing and loving you...

vid now working


clearly i am feeling this song and video for many reasons right now

Storm....luv it

Lenny KravitzStorm Remix ft Jay-Z

Music Videos And Lyrics On Demand

work, love, growth...you know LIFE

so I am finally done with the Training of Trainers part 2 that took place from Monday to Wednesday in Zion, IL...

let me tell you, this place was RIGHT Lake Michigan and I had a view from my room of the lake (which from what i saw, looked like the ocean) and that was my saving grace...i actually walked on the beach and participated in a "barn fire" (CLEARLY I don't know if that's the correct term-but you know those fires on the beach) with my co-workers, this was of course AFTER I dipped off to have dinner with my aunt and uncle who live about 20 minutes from the resort...

that sometimes, as much as you plan and plan, some thing can and will go wrong, but how YOU handle it, will determine how everyone else VIEWS it...

i learned a lot about myself, like i can honestly handle a lot of stress, that some folks will love you and others ehhh not so much

but that its OK...as long as you respect me we can get along...when you don't, I'll won't get angry

I may vent, but its not in me to judge or even let that type of thing get to me...I am clearly aware of the fact that i am a glorious work in progress, and i can only control my thoughts, my actions and reactions...so its up to me to just do what i know in my heart and spirit tell me to do and that is live in love

love-sometimes the very thing that you want to work out, doesn't work out how you THINK it is going to, and a lot of times you have others around saying things, but you have to follow your own heart and you pray and you meditate and you watch, listen and see...the person may surprise you and say to you "you have surprised me...i appreciate you...i love you" OR when you least expect it you get a hella funny voice mail or you are made to smile because they can "hear it in your voice...you need me to make you laugh and smile"
its a beautiful thing fo sho...

growing as a person, continuing to come into her own is a definite experience...its a blessing though...i learned something about myself, JUST today as a matter a fact, I don't hold grudges...a year or so ago i was in a miserable position, HATING to go to work everyday, everyday...it was horrible...and it was because the EA made it that way...when i resigned i let the VP know that...

well today she reached out to me on IM, and apologized...i informed her that no apology was necessary that GOD moves in peoples lives for various reasons that i was where HE wanted me to be and that i was growing, happy and good...

and right there was a lesson...she learned something but as did i...and knowing what a REAL working nightmare is really like, leaving work crying and stressed, i can deal with "logistical nightmares" i can deal with slight attitudes...

i guess what i am trying to say is Life isn't always easy, but its good...you just have to take the time to keep smiling and keep trying...so there...
So i'll leave you with this

Harmony
Harmony does not mean that everyone is in agreement. It means that no one is attempting to force his or her opinions on others.

Harmony does not mean that everyone is the same. It means that everyone respects and tolerates and even celebrates the differences that give so much richness to life.

Harmony is not ever achieved by brute force. Harmony is reached when every individual understands, on his or her own terms, that it is by far the most effective way to live.

Harmony does not come about through intimidation or scolding or threats of punishment.

Harmony is reached through understanding.

Harmony cannot exist where people are interested only in what they can take. Harmony is built through giving.

Harmony comes not by giving in or by being weak or by surrendering one's most treasured principles, or by the cowardly attempt to control others. Harmony is the domain of those who are confident enough in their own lives to allow others to peacefully flourish.
-- Ralph Marston

...its still very much alive

so racism is still very much so alive...

Today as i listen to the radio and hear about the noose that was placed in a tree between the multicultural center and another building on College Park's campus

or i read about a couple torturing a young black women by a racist white couple-i mean mentally and physically abusing her, raping her making her drink from the toilet and eat dog/rat feces more information here

as i sit back and listen to a lecture on health disparities in vulnerable populations, with not ner members of said population on the panel...

and we must not forget the young men of Jena Six

as i sit and have all these things come to me and i think, man racism is still very much so alive...its actually saddens me quit a bit...a lot of us are products of our environments, and what we were raised in or as, but at what point do we begin to take responsibility for our actions...

hanging nooses, torturing innocent people, when will this madness stop!!
I mean do i really want to have my kids raised amongst all of this madness, I mean i know that i will teach them that they are strong African American people apart of a much larger human race and a much larger race of GOD's people...you know...

i don't know people, talk to me, what can we do as a people??? what can we do??? outside of the education and economic development, exercising our right to vote and democracy what can we do???

fro

if you have been following my blog you KNOW how i am about my hair...
so for me to take the step and just let my hair do its thing is HUGE...

but i am officially rocking my fro...
i totally look like my profile pic...actually i think my hair is a little bit more all over the place...

how about Saturday i got up washed my hair and was like, "bump it, imma rock a fro" and i have been ever since...
like totally just walking around with an Angela Davis Afro....

big earrings and all...just doing me...you know...it is what it is...

I'll update with pics soon...(i can't get a picture that doesn't make it look all crazy) because it does in fact look crazy...

but its so light...like nothing on the top of my head...

bump a process, this is freeing for ME! I'll never knock what someone needs to do, or what i may have to do in the future but RIGHT NOW this works for me, all i need is my eyebrows done and

we are in bidness...

UPDATE:

here i am on saturday....not really pulled out or anything...just there...and i wore it just like that, looking hella crazyme at work today, looking just as crazy...its just doing its thing...

i try...

you ever feel like your best is never good enough, like no matter how hard you try you will have someone just looking at you and thinking that you have another motive, like you just want something...because despite what has happened you still remain the same person...

sometimes people don't know how to react to losses, but a lot of people don't know how to accept love, and that's the really sad thing, when some just thinks that you know what i have done this or that, how are you still here, why are you still here?

that's the hardest things in life, is when you are constantly trying and it feels like your efforts are in vain, it makes you want to just say "f" it and just do what you want to do...hell giving up is the easy thing...its what is the easiest thing to do you know, just give up and say forget it...to say you know what you have hurt me, i don't care if you were hurt, you lost someone, you hurt me...but when you take the higher road, and say you know, i forgive you, i am here for you...you are up to something...

i think what it is, is that most times people feel like they don't "deserve" forgiveness, and because they have their own stuff or issues they tend to try to hold you back...you know put their stuff on you and you haven't even done anything but be a friend....i don't hold grudges, i don't hold things against people...for me if you apologize and sincerely mean it, then who am i to hold it against especially if you mean your apology...

now i am NO fool, you aren't going to dog me out and i keep forgiving you and dealing with you...i'll forgive and say i'll holla back...let it be done...

but you know when you love someone you stand by that person, remain understanding and steadfast through it all you know...

but its but so much that one person can take when they are putting themselves out there and continue to be rejected...to be pushed away, eventually you are going to push back or walk away...

i try, but i can't lose myself trying to hold you up, i can't lose me, helping you...i can't take the rejection over and over again...dealing with a loss doesn't give you the right to be mean, be nasty...

but i'll hold on to myself, my beliefs, how i view life, working hard doing what i know is right, because in my mind the apple taste better after climbing the tree, because i worked for it...

but that's just me

life is still and will remain a beautiful struggle because i am UNBREAKABLE, by GOD I am UNBREAKABLE