....sitting

that's what i am doing right now

sitting in the Jackson airport waiting on my plane to arrive so i can depart the dirty dirty...which by the way isn't that dirty at all

in fact its extremely clean and peaceful

the weather has been perfect, no humidity, sunshine, clean skies and a breeze, unlike what i hear is going on in the DMV right now....its been raining and raining and raining...

i didn't see any signs of the flooding but the taxi cab driver (a local) stated that the river is going to hit the crest point today...and a couple of the small towns will be affected by it

sad, its really sad that smaller towns (peoples homes, businesses, schools) will be sacrificed to spear larger cities...pretty much what they did in Katrina when they let the ninth ward flood to spear the downtown area....iamjustsaying

so the former governor had a child outside of his marriage and we learn today that the child was born only 4 days apart from his youngest son with his wife? really dude? so how much taking care of your child did you have to do to keep her quite all those years, including during the elections, because dirt ALWAYS comes out! so clearly the lil boy didn't know that you were his daddy because that would've come out, kids slip they can't keep secrets...furthermore, how sad for those children...people are so selfish

i have said it before and i'll say it again,

the opposite of love isn't hate it's SELFISHNESS period!

i saw my folks on tuesday they looked GREAT! I mean really really great...they were fussing as always and they are just too funny for words

the most classic thing was him holding the GPS and repeating EVERYTHING that the thing said to my mother...it talks she can hear it but he felt the need to say it i am sitting here smiling at it because it was soooo funny

"PC the thing said you about to turn right, you better get over, PC the thing sad turn right"

i'll be a temporary resident down here, well not here, but down south in 4 days...i am missing a few parties, some cookouts, some bridal showers, graduations, i mean a ton of events but you know the trade off isn't much...you gotta make sacrifices that's life and in order for me to be able to see my daddy and take him to his treatments, to be around them pretty much every weekend the ability to do "dinner and a movie" or "mani/pedi and lunch" with my mommy, to be able to see them as often as possible right now is what is most important

PLUS add to the fact that its a temp position for work which will help me when i decide to transfer

WINNING

i have been studying various religions lately, not because i am converting, but i need to understand things, i need to not be ignorant to why people believe what they believe and thus do what they do...

so in the hotel there was the Bible and the book of Mormon so i started reading that last night, i don't get it...i am reading about Islam and that i get a little more, now i am trying to understand how a religion based on living life as the prophet in peace is violent...but not...its all interpretation, all religions, its an interpretation of whatever book, bible you decide to read and decide that you believe in...the thing that i found interesting was that the prophet acknowledged the Christians and the Jews (who teased the Arabs by the way as being cut out of God's plan) its just interesting...

knowledge is a circle, you give, you receive...i like learning and understanding just because it helps you stand firmer in your own personal beliefs...

whatever you believe in, just respect others for what they believe in...that's how i feel about that...

i know from whom i derived and i understand walking in his image is what we should all strive to do...

i think that's what i am going to be doing while i am gone, i am going to focus on myself, my personal relationship with HIM and me....get my mind right, get my body right, get my spirit right...

i am nervous about leaving for various reasons...but i am at peace about it

stand tall and smile

that's what i am going to do right now

just stand

what do the old folk say at times like these "when it rains it pours"

well they aint never lied

everything always seems to hit you at once

and what do you have to do in the midst of it all

you have to STAND
you have to SMILE

that's what you have to do

i can't not go to work, i can't hide under a rock, i can't run away from it all and just sit in my room in my bed, with cakes and cookies until it all goes away (i have said before i am an emotional eater *shrugs*)

i will say this though at times like this when everything is coming from every which a way...i realize that i am more like my momma then not

when i say that woman is like IT to me...

she is IT
spiritual
strong
sweet
supportive
sassy

all that and i know that i'll never be like HER but if i can be like half of her...man oh man still ahead of the game

i have shed my tears about both situations and now i just want to keep it moving

not to say i won't have moments
not to say it won't be hard

but having conversations like the one with my daddy where he is in RARE form and has me cracking up laughing about how he is getting a Harley but won't come up off $250 so i can get my mom a Dyson vacum for her mother's day gift is just straight up CLASSIC to me, we always tend to talk the most trash to one another and when he's like that i know he's feeling well so that makes me smile

i have said all that i have and will say in terms of the other situation
disappointed
but lesson learned

one thing i have truly learned is that as a woman i will not make an excuses to anyone (male, female, momma, daddy, whoever) about my size, my hair, NOTHING

i know that there are things i can improve about my physical, but more importantly i want to keep learning and loving internally...

i may not be all that physically "beautiful"

but i am beautiful, in my own way, in my own skin...inside and OUT (because i am not bad looking at all)

i am beautiful

so i will smile and focus on finding my inner peace and joy, not happiness, not right now, happiness depends on happenings in your life its a thing that can come and go...i want joy and peace, something that's much deeper something that no matter will be there in my heart in my soul in ME and NO ONE and NOTHING can take those things away from you

plus i look so much better when i stand tall and smile