556

that's the number of this post

i don't have a title because there are so many things going on in my head

so my mortgage jumped by dag on near $200 a month because the taxes on this house went UP!

huh? like that didn't compute when i bought this place that you know at the yearly tax assessment or due to an increase in your insurance your monthly payment can go up or down and here i was thinking that by getting a fixed interest rate i knew what my mortgage payment would be

had i known this i wouldn't have went out and bought a new truck (well new to me) but still new

GLAD i didn't jump out there on the 35K + Audi Q7 i'd be mad short right about now...

mind you i was JUST feeling good about the purchase this morning because i wasn't sliding last night in the snow that hit the DMV AND i was about to drive right over the snow in my driveway to get out and go to work since the feds decided all people needed was a 2 hour delay, mind you i slept in this peace with NO power last night and didn't have any this morning so it was touch and go if i was going to make it in...

but when you have NO leave and a week long cruise that's been paid for coming up, you find the way to get your hindmost to work...

i digress...

i promise that all of this being positive for people and trying to be a cheerleader is definitely being a drain on me...

but i said my piece and i will have my peace ya dig

i saw a young couple on the train today...they have 5 kids...looked like they were back to back to back...including the one that wasn't even a year yet in the stroller...here's the thing, all the kids were happy, healthy, clean and the young couple were married (at least they had on wedding rings) and they looked happy...i wonder why we don't see images like that...hell anybody in THIS economy with 5 kids could be struggling...and they maybe...but they were happy and there was a lot of love and respect between all of them...made me smile

well looks like something is going to have to get cut WAY out in my life in order to make this payments and still be good...time to make decisions and once again put on my big guru drawers and keep it moving...

another lesson learned on my own as an adult

geesh

communication

i have said it before and i will say it again

COMMUNICATION is KEY!

there is no way around that, if you can't tell the other person in your life what is going on, why you feel this way or that, or why this happened or that, heck why you are running late its going to cause a problem!

PERIOD!

the end...put a stamp on it seal it and deliver it, i'll pay the postage for it...

why don't people get that...its not that hard to just open your mouth...its not like i grew up in the best home for communication either, however, i know that as adult you can't constantly blame what happened in your life as a child on how you behave now...so therefore you take stock you look at what it is and you make the proper adjustments so that you can have a happier and healthier life than your parents provided you, as they tried to do for you...you know we are supposed to do better than our parents right, that's what they tell us all the time...

so be better

do better

why?

because you know better!

period you know good and freaking well what is going on and what isn't...

COMMUNICATE THAT!

people need to stop acting as if the TRUTH was some sort of crippling aliment or something

its the TRUTH straight up clear as day, black and white, nothing gray or purple or pink or red about it

it just is...and when people care about you they can accept the truth they can deal with the truth they will bare with you, why? because you told the truth

however, when you are constantly lacking the willingness to communicate and then act like communicating is the worse thing on the planet

well then i have a problem because i tend to live in black and white i don't and can't nor will i live in gray

why?

because i don't have to

look back...

i was at work today

not being that productive but productive

and i went back to 2006 and read some of my old blogs

a couple of things i have noticed

1. i don't get as HEATED as i used to, i was HOT a lot back then
2. there clearly aren't as many people left in blog land
3. i don't talk about HALF the stuff i used to talk about

DUDE
i was funny
sometimes deep
i talked about political stuff
religious stuff
my family
everyday LIFE

now, i am sure that the past year or so has been about LOVE and the lack there of in my life
well i know i blogged about my house and my job and my dog
but mainly its been about LOVE

i guess i am in that phase of my life, being 30 and all, that i still want that in my life

but geesh is that ALL there is to me?
is there all that there is to my life wanting and waiting for love?
if that is it, i am about as deep as a tic

and i would like to think that i am deeper than an insect that sucks the blood off of pure defenseless animals as its nourishment

i used to write, like really write
maybe i was deeper than because i was in graduate school
maybe going back to school will give me new and interesting things to blog about
maybe i need to write more about the random thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis as i walk the streets of DC

or maybe i am simply boring...

i don't go out that much any more and besides the random crazy phone call, as i got today from my parents, yelling and my father in the background talking about the size of his prostate (of which included information that as his child i have NO NEED to know) or my mother calling me complaining about Madea for the umpteenth time OR my brother complaining or fussing about whatever issues he has

i really don't have much to talk about

i like being boring though, its less dramatic, still has its moments but less dramatic none the less...

i mean i know people going through break ups, i know people falling in love

i tend to have a lot of thoughts and feelings on the matters but i don't know they seem to get lost in between my brain and the keys

i haven't even written in poetry lately...

maybe its time to tap back into LIFE

love is great and everything but dude let's face it, my reality is that its me, my little dog, in my little house, with my not so little yet nice new ride...LOL

its just me

i think its time to get back to ME a little more than i have been on this blog...

hopes and dreams are all nice and errythin but i think i'll enjoy the current ride i am on a little bit more than i have been

Happy 2011!

So i think this is like what my 5th year blogging now

wow...

incredible

i remember i started June of 2006, oh how time has flown past

and 552 (this marks 553) blogs later here we are 4 and 1/2 years in the blog game

a lot of folks have come and gone or even changed up the content of what it is that they are talking about, but still the same remains, me and my willingness to share what is going on with the world no matter what or how embarrassing or how happy, sad, mad or glad...

i would like to think that people would definitely find it something that they could relate to or make them laugh or something out of this thing

the fact still remains those that the main reason i blog is for me...to get out what i need to say and hopefully get some feedback from those out there in cyberland

see the one thing i have learned over these past years is that no matter how strong or "together" we all think we are, we aren't! period the end!

so i have grown a lot and i truly do appreciate the fact that even through i have fallen on my face numerous times, my family (including my blog family) have been there to support me

right now i am definitely going through a time of transition...my holiday season definitely was a wonderful one...one of the BEST i have had in years!

i spent it with close family friend and their family and then with my extended family and god children, NYE same close family and in church...it was just peaceful no drama and fun as well...

i thought that December was turning out to be just like December 2009, but i was completely WRONG...i have said it before and i'll say it again, a day, an hour, a minute, a second can definitely make all the difference in the world on how you see and view things

things aren't where I think they should be, but who am i right?
i know that things need to be shown, i know that we both have to be sure, we ARE talking about a LIFE TIME COMMITMENT here, lifetime, like years, like forever, forever eva, eva eva...
as much as i deem myself to be ready to be a wife (although up until my bible study on the subject about 4 months ago i really thought i was ready until bibilically i learned i wasn't even close) i have come to conclude that clearly GOD is still working some things out before that move can be made...being a wife and mother (instantly) won't be easy, but as long as he is secure in his decision to have me in his life i think i'll be ok

i think that's the thing, every woman, well ok, i'll speak for me, i want to know that you believe and feel like i am the missing piece to your puzzle...i mean we all can function and move on with life but do we want to is the question? like sure the two of them would be fine without me, but do you want to?

so now i sit back i watch and i wait to see what 2011 has in store for me...not easy, its not easy letting go and not having control over things

but in my work life when i did that, things turned out alright, in my financial life i did that and things turned out better than expected...i worked at it but i just allowed things to fall where they were going to fall...and they fell right into place

now i must allow love to do the same thing...totally not that easy but we shall see

alright, alright, alright

i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired right now

i have an hour left at work and i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ready to go

i have a suit on today that is literally falling off of me, i guess the weight loss is a reality...my co-workers have noticed...

so the kevin hart show was AWESOME like AWESOME like SO SO SO AWESOME

and i might add that i WON! yes your girl was FLYY and i am not basing it on the fact that i really literally was FLYY but based on his reaction to my outfit...

its always nice when you are getting dressed and you can tell that they weren't expecting what you have on...like this look like oh wow you are wearing that NICE...

plus if you add the fact that what HE wore, i picked out anyways than I still won...CLASSIC

when i say kevin hart is freaking HA LA RI OUS!

what...plus add some cheesecake factory for the after show dinner...

top notch night

not to say the weekend wasn't or didn't have its "moments of irritation" we definitely have to find the balance with each other i think when you are with anyone for what 2 and 1/2 days there are bound to be moments...

good thing is we vibe GREAT and work well as a team with the lil one...the bond that he and i have is there and we three vibe and work to get things done together well...

the issue i am having now though is getting to close...because if things don't work out i don't want to once again distance myself from the family, including this child...so now i find myself in a conundrum, although we have both decided that we will see where things go and allow things to flow...i still have to be mindful because it isn't just us, there is a child also involved...

all in all the weekend was good, not GREAT, but good and realistic

now to figure out what i shall be doing for the holidays

551

that's the number of this post


and since i don't have a title for it, it will do


wow i have written 551 posts that's mad crazy son...in my NYC voice


i have had a lot of blog topics come in and out of my mind the last view days and i wanted to blog but there has been so much going on that i just haven't had the time


if you are here in the DMV its OH SO COLD outside right now


like so cold i went and got a fofafur hat, you know one of those big hats people wear in places like Alaska! hahahaha


well if you saw a crazy lady with one on and a bubble coat this morning on the Metro that was me...actually there were a lot of people on the metro with similar hats but the older ladies had the fofamink ones on LOL


i am in a good place as the year ends, like emotionally i have my feelings (remember you guys i have come to NOT like having feelings at all)

living outside of yourself

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:10

so this really pulls together how i have been feeling about love lately

see love is one of the most SELFLESS things you can ever do in this life because when you love someone, its totally NOT about you anymore

see loving someone else means that you love them as THEY need to be loved

am i still not making sense?

see we all have a love language:

words of affirmation

quality time

receiving gifts

acts of service

physical touch

we all have a way in which we need love to be expressed to us, and no two people are alike, most people have a primary and secondary language

me i NEED communication and time

so how i need to be loved and how you need to be loved are going to be different, sometimes the same, but may be different

so when you love someone, you go outside of yourself and you love them how THEY NEED to be loved and you don't do it because you feel like you'll get it back, because in reality you may not get it back, but because you love this person SO MUCH you are willing to go outside of yourself and just love on them how they need to be loved and you hope they love you enough to love you how YOU NEED to be loved

again, love is the most selfless thing you can ever do because when you truly love someone you love them how they need to be love for no other reason than you wanting to make them happy and making them happy makes you happy

i hope you followed that i know it was a little around and around in a circle type of deal but hey that's what's on my mind right now