not afraid....

i have never suffered from that disease called addiction or any mental illness but i know how it feels to feel trapped by your thoughts and feelings and to dread it...

this song is so on POINT....

this one right here encompasses how i am feeling....up beat and ready to take it on...

i am feeling like its time to

break out the cage and let the light beam on me...

i definitely have a confidence and a love that i think is starting to shine through...

these are the makings of you....

not the monica version (the original) shots out to Mrstdj for reminding me our wonderfully beautiful and soulfULL this original was and IS

loves it...

is it bad that i am playing this right now NOT thinking about a man but about myself...

i think we would all be better off feeling this way about ourselves

people still seem to be totally shocked when they see my new tattoo..what are you going to do when i get #3 probably this weekend since i have nothing better to do...LOL...

Golden and i have a vet appt sat morning but i think i am going to take her to the dog park and allen's pond before hand she needs some doggie social skills...

went to an assembly this past weekend it was good and i learned a lot still searching for my spiritual home though...its coming...its one of my spiritual goals by the end of the year so i shall find one

i had to leave her at the doggie hotel...the accommodations were nice but HER particular place of rest wasn't what i thought it would be it was smaller than i had hoped and looked more like a kennel than a suite...so of course i called on saturday to ensure she was ok...yes she is a dog, but she is MY dog and if i want to ensure that they are caring for her for what i am PAYING for (and her rooming was just as much as mines) than i'll call...i get that not everyone gets it...but when you taking owning a dog seriously and you can feel they unconditional love and joy that they bring you, you develop a bond that's my boo

ummm what else

people need to grow up especially at work...that's all i am going to say about that

like PC said "do you work and mind your business"

that's my motto gotta say that DAILY

i have a major decision to make about Kiamsha that's the other thing on my mind

i am still cutting all my hair off in october just in time to see my parents in november my father probably will NOT speak to me the entire trip i must prepare myself for that...LOL...

they are coming at the end of July and will finally see all that's been done to the house i look forward to that i hope it makes them proud...

windows are coming in next week the ac unit and furnace have their scheduled maintenance appointments for next month as well...

i tell you home ownership is OVERRATED i could easily still be in my apartment (throwing away money and receiving no tax break for sure but still this is for the BIRDS)

my brother is here by the way she keeps going to the basement steps like he's down there i keep having to tell her "he's not down there"

she's smart so she understands...oh by the way we dance around the living room almost every night...CLASSIC

in honor of the man

MJ

Michael Jackson

the King of Pop

The greatest entertainer of ALL TIME

....what better way to express my gratitude to this man than to list out the songs that are some of my absolute FAVS of his...

some of you may agree with it, or not or part of it...but hey these songs either as a solo artist or with his brothers ROCKED

....This Place Hotel...

which i thought was "this is heartbreak hotel..." because that's the line in the song...but CLEARLY its not...that joint cranks

The Lady in My Life

what woman didn't want a or doesn't a woman to feel like Mike felt about the girl in that song

Rock with You

nothing needs to be said about this song

Man in the Mirror

definitely just was a CLASSIC about what was and is still true today we gotta look at ourselves

Show you the way...

"live together underneath the sun..." was talking peace and love back then

Human Nature

the rhythms enough said

P.Y.T.

that was and IS still my theme song...LOL..

Can you feel it...

every color of the world should be loving...can you feel it!

Butterflies

man who knew he had this much soul still...LOVED that song...

Scream

that was a a GREAT song with him and his lil sister

Blame it on the boggie

they JAM in this joint..."don't blame it on the sunshine, don't blame it on the good times, blame it on the boggie"

Got me working...

day and night...LOVES it!

dude people gave this man so much flack about his love life, skin, so much crap because he was different...this dude, had an ear, a gift for writing that ALL these folks copy today...everyone and anyone whose a modern day for real artist, rapper, hip hop, singer, musician whatever...MIKE influenced YOU

this man was speaking about racial harmony and love and had a message that you moved to and didn't even know you were getting a message! he was deeper than most give him credit

someone said it best, knew he was so big he had to whisper to be heard...

WHAT! regardless of what anyone thinks of him or what he did or didn't do that's between him and his judge...

all i want to do is blame it on the MUSIC

no water

that's what i woke up to this morning

NO RUNNING WATER

so i am like looking for my WSSC bill like i know i didn't miss a payment, thats not me...so what the heck is going on...

i go to the door and i open the door ( IDK why that's the automatic thing that i do when the lights or anything "goes out" in my house but i guess opening the door helps me to "see if anyone else is experiencing what i am")

so i find the bill call the emergency line to find out that there is a water break up the street from my house...

dude i can't go to work having not touched any water...so an impromptu "day off" was what i experienced today...

just me and Golden chillaxin doing nothing...well she did get a bath this evening...she did pretty good...i washed her and her bedding and vacuumed again...i couldn't take it she had an odor and i can't do that...i would wash her daily if i could but its not good for their skin, it would dry it out so once a week is as often as they recommend...she WILL be getting a bath every week...

she doesn't like me going to far from her...she is ok if i go to work but if i am supposed to be home or if i am home she wants me to be near her...

i love my dog...never thought i would love something an animal but i was told that they truly do love back and she does she makes these faces and she has the brightest big brown eyes...

ok enough about my dog...lol...

so we napped on and off all day

watched the latest potter movie and sweet home alabama (one of my favs) and was on the internet and did nothing all over again...oh well other than our daily walks of course...

after the day i had yesterday today was definitely a MUST and i am glad i allowed myself to kinda shut stuff out and just chill

i miss my days of nothingness and i am going to get back to them

no matter what...

i aint break i aint fold hate me most, ya i know

i wonder if people deal with as much family mess as i do...

you would think with me being the only girl, that things wouldn't be as messy as it is...but these GROWN men are messy! too dag on messy for me

and the thing is i know that...but it still hurts none the less that i can't just be a little sister and they just be proud of all that i have done or accomplished

nope instead i am finding that i have to watch my back with them and just keep my stuff to myself because CLEARLY being strong, intelligent and independent is not the best thing...

i guess if i had 3 kids with 3 different dudes or didn't graduate form college or didn't own my own home or truck or didn't have a career or maybe if i needed them or relied on others more than i would be the "little sister" and they could feel needed...

i don't know...all i know is that its BS!

today wasn't a good day and it looks like its not going to get better...

i am just frustrated and ready to give up on a lot of things

but i promised myself i wouldn't give up on myself and that i would keep fighting and not allow myself to get down and in the dumps again..

and i can't...i really can't...

before i let go.....

goooooooooooooo....

man that concert was ON POINT!!!!

Frankie and Maze rocked for an hour and a half STRAIGHT!

the crowd was AWESOME

you know its summer time when you see a sea of white linen and black folks and people singing every single word of EVERY single song and people are hand dancing and two stepping...

it was the GREATEST and it was just me, myself and I!

at first i felt like i was i the middle of one of those new KFC sandwiches where the "bread" is actually chicken breast? well that's how i felt crushed in between...LOL...but the seats where like regular folding chairs and were zip tied together...all it takes is for one person to cut that zip tie and pull them seats apart and its ON

so we had a great time...

it was a good night, nice breeze and of course Frankie even at 63 kept the crowd rocking...

his voice is going though, so i am glad this is like my 5th time seeing him...i miss my maze partner (my momma) but it was cool to go somewhere like a concert by myself, meet people and have a BLAST!

came back to the crib to check on Golden and was thinking about hitting U st with the cuzzos but once i came in i realized just how tired i am...

so i am in the crib...

but man was tonight a GREAT night

PSA

....this is just a friendly reminder to all folks out there that tomorrow

June 19 is JUNETEENTH...

it wasn't until June 19, 1865 when Union Troops reached Texas that it was official that the enslaved were now FREE...even though the Emancipation Proclomation had been signed on Janurary 1, 1863

you can go here and here and here for more information

find some sort of way to keep recognizing this day and spreading the word to others you know and keep the tradition of celebrating this day ALIVE