Too much, too little time...how do I tell you this

So I have a secret, a secret that I have been contemplating over whether or not I was going to share with this blog or if I was going to keep it inside. I don't know sometimes you just go through things and you understand that you have to get it out...especially when stuff if extremely personal in nature.
You know we (I) can talk about any and everything on this thing, love, politics, racism, relationships, education, kids, death, giving back to the community, headlines in your local newspaper...you know all of that stuff...surface type of stuff...but when it comes to revealing something extremely personal about me, am I really brave enough to let the world know? I don't know if I am...but I have to get this off of my chest...so much to say, so little time to say it...

Disclaimer: this is really going on in my life currently. Fellas it may be a bit much for you to take in. Ladies pay attention.

Well here it is
Ok so this has to do with my health...yes my personal health.
Again I keep going back and forth about posting this but the thing is women need to be made aware of these things.

And it has to deal with this:


So over the last week or so I have been experiencing some serve abdominal pain and decided that I needed to go to my gynecologist to have things checked out. We should NEVER ignore any type of pain that has to deal with our bodies ladies and gentleman. So upon my trip to the doctor's the other day, Monday, the doctor finished with this look of concern, which is never any good. Then you know when they call you into their office that is NEVER a good thing...he wanted me to have a sonogram done so that he could determine if I had a cyst or not.
So all kinds of things begin to go through my head.

WHAT? What do you mean a cyst? What does that mean? Will that affect me having kids? Will you have to take EVERYTHING out? What is really going on?

As he is talking I am trying my best to stay calm, to stay focused on what is being said. The lady that does the sonogram had already left for the day so that meant that I would have to wait until the next day...again in my mind...

What? So now I have to wait an entire 24 hours before you can tell me anything? That doesn't make sense? Ok whatever...I mean I guess I have no choice

So I leave the note for the lady and hope and pray that she calls me and let's me know I can come in at the end of the day...which yesterday morning she does do. So I prepare myself. First things first, I need to tell my supervisor and HR, because if it is a cyst with the history of cancer and reproductive problems that I have in my family, this thing MUST come out. So I go in and tell this MAN what the deal is, he tells me not to worry take as much time as I need that he has my back...just tell HR so that there isn't an issue. But he will hold me down. (Man, that's why I love my job, my supervisor is the BOMB...he is getting married so I will have to hook him up fo real...) I go and tell HR she is like just keep her posted...so I get off work and go for the sonogram.

Now this doctor's office is really nice in downtown DC near GW right on K Street...I walk in they know me off the break the girl is like "Hi ...." I always feel like even though they don't say it the people in the office know what's going on with you...which in my case today is a good thing because they are going out of their way to make me feel comfortable you know not so nervous. The sonogram tech says she will be right with me and she is.

I lay on the table deal with the internal sono and look at ME the inside of me. She is explaining it all, but I can't see anything really on that black and white screen it looks like a gray blur to me...but I can feel the pain though...I can feel it...so she shows me what they were looking for, what the doctor was afraid of....

I have currently two cysts, one on each ovary. The one that is on my right ovary is what is called a "clear" cyst, meaning it is the type of cyst that is very common and most women get monthly from their ovulation period. I am like many woman who can actually feel my ovulation. So it wasn't a surprise to see this. But the one on the left ovary isn't...its a for real cyst, there are many kinds but mines in particular can be one of three kinds (I can't remember what she said) that is NOT related to ovulation.


an ovarian cyst that is sitting right on top of my left ovary. Its about 3 cm about an inch and a 1/2. Hurts like hell and is going to HAVE to come out! The good thing is that it will come out via laparoscopy. This type of surgery is done with a lighted instrument called a laparoscope that's like a slender telescope. So there won't be a BIG scar or anything just a little thing.

So this time next month I will be out for the count. I decided to wait a month until after my next cycle to wait until have the procedure done. One I want to see if there is any change and two to see what happens with the other one. The doctor and I both agree that it has to come out and that if I can't deal with the pain that it will come out sooner...but then there is also the fact that I have to deal with fatigue and nausea which is often times side affects of a cyst. But yet another reason that you HAVE to go to the doctors if your body is off...because I have a lot of hormonal symptoms like I am pregnant, but I KNEW that was NOT IT, I ain't done/doing NOTHING to be, but what IF you are sexually active it could throw you completely off, feel me...so that's another issue if I can deal with this for the next month or so.

So why share this? Like I said before it was hard to determine or decide if I should share this or not. But ovarian cysts is extremely common in women and a lot of time ovarian cancer goes undetected, oh yeah they want to take it out to ensure that its NOT cancerous even though from the blood work and sonogram it doesn't seem to be because my CA-125 protein was pretty normal, that is the test that ALL women should ask for when they go to the doctors to detect for if they have signs of cancer.) That in there is why I decided to write this.

Ladies, make sure that you go to the doctors annually. I honestly believe in going every six months. I just think a year is to much time in between visits, especially if you are sexually active, have a history of health issues, or has a family history of health issues.

Make sure that you are getting a clear pap to check for cancerous cells on your cervix, get the CA-125 Test to check for ovarian cancer, make sure you are tested for ALL STDs and HIV, and ask that you are tested for the breast cancer trait if you have a history of it in your family.

It was really hard to share this but I think that if I can just reach one person and let them know that its alright, we all have our struggles we all have something to learn from this...maybe you have never heard of the CA-125 test or the test for your breast cancer trait. Make sure you have a doctor that you trust and who will put your health FIRST!

Brothers encourage the women in your life to pay attention to their bodies, and please pay attention to your bodies as well. Prostate cancer and colon cancer is extremely serious....make sure that you are tested as well, annually.

In love
TC

20 Years Old....

So Janet's album drops TODAY...so make sure that you go out and get that!

I recently saw her new video and I can honestly say this could have been her first single...I also heard that she was on Oprah yesterday doing it something CRAZY! Doing dance moves from the 80s with a 2006 spin (I took that from either Jes or JAC...)

I mean let's be honest if you are a female pop star today (Beyonce, Christina, Brittany, Mya, Ciara...) you get your stuff from Janet...PERIOD!
I love little Ciara but her most recent video is Rhythm Nation
That little girl Cassie video is the Pleasure Principle
Be!s performance at the VMAs straight Janet stuff from the IF video...

Janet is where its at...at 40 years old she looks better than half the folks my age, including ME...let's just keep it real

So check out the new video, go get the album and have a wonderful Tuesday


Oh by the way I know I need to put some other stuff up here other than music but right now music is what is getting me through some things so that's my vibe for the moment...I can feel some deep stuff coming just hold on...

The Jump off...

Man this right here was the jump off fo real....

From a Brother (BM) Listen up Sisters!

This is a statement from a gentleman on Black Voices. I feel that a lot of what he has to say is very true (even if it hurts):

Bottom line--if I sleep with a woman I don't know or care about SEX is NOT going to make me care. (I stopped doing that years ago) That kind of sex is like scratching an itch. Once a man scratches, he's through. He ain't sitting around thinking about that spot that itched or how good it felt scratching it. He's moving on with his life until that spot itches again and it don't matter which hand he scratches it with, just as long as he gets rid of the itch.

Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling, but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we're having a "relationship" when it's NOTHING but a booty call. Come on, ladies, y'all know I'm telling the truth.

Unfortunately, ladies, you are part of our problem. You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we're about. Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a "relationship". Many women will deny they think like this but I'm speaking from personal experience. Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman. Now, what kind of sense does that make? Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life? IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE. The "other woman" is not breaking up a "happy home".

Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk down the aisle didn't change who he was. Why should he change? YOU let him know it was acceptable by sticking around that long.

Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN. Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days. Women have to stop "rewarding" unfaithful men by pretending it ain't happening. All of us Black Men (BM) do not cheat. I do not cheat on my lady so don't buy the hype. I know other BM who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it.

Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON'T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat. Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle. Worry LESS about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women. OPEN those ears and listen. Does he put down his ex-women and blame them for everything? And don't be so vain. You are NOT a better woman than his last. If he dogged her out, you will probably be NEXT.

Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he's married or engaged? How does he treat other people? Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear. Stop INTERPRETING the meaning of what he says to fit your purposes. If he says, "I'm not lookin' for nothing right now" -- DON'T tell yourself, "Aw, he just scared of getting hurt. I can change his mind.." NO YOU CAN'T. He said exactly what the hell he meant. BM don't have to lie when so many BW are already DEAF.

If you can't answer BASIC questions about a man DON'T OPEN YOUR LEGS. I could kinda understand back in the days when sex wouldn't KILL people but now? there's no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself -- sexually AND emotionally.

Show our ___ to the door if we pressure you for sex too soon. Don't be afraid to be alone. After you give our ____ some you will probably be alone anyway but now you feel like a fool. In other words, take your time and check us out. if we REALLY like you, we'll stick around. BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO. We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us. That's not how it works, baby.

I have TOO many female friends who give me horror stories that could have been avoided if they'd done their homework first OR moved SLOWER before giving up the panties. I try as a BM to give them the best advice I can but that won't mean a _____ thing if BW continue to live in a dream world. You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for your own sexual behavior the same as I am. Blaming the man won't change a ____ thing. BW have to look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what's wrong with BM/BW relationships. Let me end by saying....

SEX DOES NOT = A RELATIONSHIP

GIVING A MAN A READY-MADE FAMILY WILL NOT MAKE HIM COMMIT IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO

A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY

IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF

IF HE DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF HIS OTHER CHILDREN WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HIM?

IF YOU REWARD A DOG WHY SHOULD MEN STOP BEING DOGS?

BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY. NO YOUR ______ IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS. BELIEVE THAT.

BW are going to have to raise their standards if they expect BM to do it. The question is, are my beautiful BW up to the challenge? Are you willing to be strong and stop taking the easy way out? Ladies, ladies, ladies, hit me back with some truth, not some _______. I don't want to hear: "What you said don't refer to me 'cause I got my _____ together and I'm a proud black woman who intimidates men and I never made no mistakes, it's those other women who do things like that."

No, no, no! I don't want to hear you putting yourself on a pedestal because I KNOW you've made mistakes. I want you to hit me back with some TRUTH. What are BW going to do about these shady, shaky relationships that wind up in divorce court 60-70%% of the time, that's if we bother getting married at all? What are BW going to do DIFFERENT to make this ______better? Hit me back, ladies.

peace,
crammasters

So what you guys and gals think? Hit me back and let me know what your thoughts are on this one

HIP HOP IS ALIVE

Yesterday, September 19, 2006, Hip Hop, real hip hop, story telling, beats, purpose and true word mastery was brought back to life with the introduction of Lupe Fiasco to the world!

Note there would have been a picture of him right here...but freaking blogger wouldn't put it up for some reason...

I very rarely sit and listen to a CD, any CD, in one sitting...but last night I couldn't help but put in the "Food and Liquor" CD as soon as I got home from the purchase and let the entire CD rock from beginning to end...Loving every single track on the album...Kick, Push was only a mere introduction to the world of this man's lyrical skills...

I am truly loving this disc and I really encourage any one who hasn't already gone to cop this album to do so IMMEDIATELY...not now, but RIGHT NOW!

Well hopefully you will get it...here is a little inside on the man from the man:

Somebody please go and find this man

So whatever happened to him, I mean really. I have come to realize just how much I miss him. His voice, his skin, his eyes...his touch to my soul when he begins to let me know how he feels about me. I mean just everything about this man...I just miss him! I can't say it any other way. I mean for everything he has done for me, I can't understand why he changed, I can't understand why he would want to leave me. Now, I must honestly admit that this was not my first love, he really wasn't that belongs to another man, (that can be talked about at another time at another place) but for now I want to talk about this man that just came into my life and left me, without a word, without so much as a glance, letter, notice, NOTHING!

Why Mike, why did you leave me...




Ok, yes I am talking about Michael Jackson...
YES THE Michael Jackson...not the one that we know now, but the real Mike...the one that sat on the front of his "Thriller" cover with a white suite on with a half wet jerry curl holding a baby tiger...

Where did you go Mike? What happened to the thug who asked "why you want to be startin something?" What happened to the man who told Bellie Jean that he wasn't the baby's daddy? (that was because you was in love with me...come on Mike...)What happened to things just being human nature? What happened to PYT, you looking for Me? What happened to me being the lady of your life? What happened I just don't understand...
Oh how I miss you...please come back, please!

I want to love you pretty young thang...you are the lady of my life...don't you go no where....always my lady...all through the night...all over all over all over...lay back with me, let me love you girl....


How could you Mike, how could you love me so and just leave me...how could you....

somebody call Claude and go and find him Please....Please....Please
*tear*

If I ruled the world

There would be no homelessness or poverty
Everyone would have access to healthcare and an education FREE
There would be peace and respect for all people...
Every child would be raised in a loving enviroment
We would truly live by the Absolute Truth...

But....if I ruled the world...
I would ROCK stuff like this EVERY DAY Of My Life....



YES my hair would be cut like this (and FYI...if I wasn't in this phase of growing my hair out OR if I worked for myself, YES my hair would have been cut like this a long time ago...)

If only I could rule the world