a lot of times we don't tend to really pray until our backs are against the wall
i am no different
yesterday, while sitting at work and reading "the power of a praying wife" the resounding theme behind praying wasn't praying for your husband to do this or that
but praying that YOU, I, the WIFE began with praying for yourself to change
so many times its
well if he would just listen more
if he would just be more affectionate
if he would focus more
if he would have more initiative around the house
if he did.... you fill in whatever your issue is with your husband
but the reality is, in order for things to change you must first begin with you!
most times when you have issues with your husband you have a spirit of resentment, anger, or whatever your issue is
and when you have those issues is
YOU ARE BLOCKING CHANGE
so how do you unblock change with starting with yourself
a husband may be more inclined to do more, be more affectionate, do more around the house, when you are in fact a little sweeter a little nicer more considerate of his time and space
am i changed over night?
ahhhhh NO
NOT AT ALL
but i DO recognize where things start with me because i can only control myself and i can only PRAY that he turns to the most HIGH for direction and wisdom to deal with me and our family and with understand the man/husband he can be
and once you pray about all of this, the power of peace you feel is completely amazing
i recommend it there is truly power in prayer
Monday, December 10, 2012
Wednesday, November 07, 2012
randomNess
i aint gon lie
i am glad that election is over
when you work in a place where apart of your job is to watch the news
and ALL you see all day every day is footage about the elections
debates
commercials
when it's over you are glad
and now that it's his last 4 years, hopefully the administration will stop walking lightly and make some hard decisions that will benefit the country
one thing i will say is that racism is still alive and if this election didn't show that to you, i don't know what rock you are living under
not just racism
sexism
ageism
all isms came to the forefront
it is what it is
glad it's over
one of the cute things though was that yesterday was our one month anniversary and we spent our 2 1/2 hours in line waiting to vote, together! that was cool
my parents always went and voted together, and they always took us with them, it was like this is your right and your duty, my parents grew up during the movement, especially my mom, being from Alabama and my great aunt and uncle were IN the movement, the level of social consciousness was always something they made sure we knew
my parents live IN Alabama and although its a "red" state they still voted! my husband's home state of NJ is normally a red state and it went blue, they thought VA would go red and it went blue, i will say if anything that should show people the importance of voting no matter WHAT history or patterns show
your vote matters
we celebrated our first month anniversary
still married
working to find the time to bond and make it work
definitely enjoying this time
i have been home from work the last two days
this thyroid storm is kicking my behind!
today it's me and the lil guy, i know one thing for sure, it's the hardest thing in the world to know your child is sick and you can't do anything but make them comfortable and give them the meds and hope they feel better and just keep them indoors
it's a lot
but it's well worth it
when you see them happy and healthy
i think i want to change jobs
i like where i am at and what i do
and the security of the job makes it difficult to think about just leaving esp having a family
but i want something more flexible i'd love to be able to work from home
i also need to really think about my event planning business
i did our wedding mainly there is still a lot i can learn and do to make my visions even better
but i want to do something
we all have gifts and i need to tap into mine
we need to really figure out our purposes in live and come up with our visions
we all have a purpose in this life and we need to have the courage to fulfill it!
i am glad that election is over
when you work in a place where apart of your job is to watch the news
and ALL you see all day every day is footage about the elections
debates
commercials
when it's over you are glad
and now that it's his last 4 years, hopefully the administration will stop walking lightly and make some hard decisions that will benefit the country
one thing i will say is that racism is still alive and if this election didn't show that to you, i don't know what rock you are living under
not just racism
sexism
ageism
all isms came to the forefront
it is what it is
glad it's over
one of the cute things though was that yesterday was our one month anniversary and we spent our 2 1/2 hours in line waiting to vote, together! that was cool
my parents always went and voted together, and they always took us with them, it was like this is your right and your duty, my parents grew up during the movement, especially my mom, being from Alabama and my great aunt and uncle were IN the movement, the level of social consciousness was always something they made sure we knew
my parents live IN Alabama and although its a "red" state they still voted! my husband's home state of NJ is normally a red state and it went blue, they thought VA would go red and it went blue, i will say if anything that should show people the importance of voting no matter WHAT history or patterns show
your vote matters
we celebrated our first month anniversary
still married
working to find the time to bond and make it work
definitely enjoying this time
i have been home from work the last two days
this thyroid storm is kicking my behind!
today it's me and the lil guy, i know one thing for sure, it's the hardest thing in the world to know your child is sick and you can't do anything but make them comfortable and give them the meds and hope they feel better and just keep them indoors
it's a lot
but it's well worth it
when you see them happy and healthy
i think i want to change jobs
i like where i am at and what i do
and the security of the job makes it difficult to think about just leaving esp having a family
but i want something more flexible i'd love to be able to work from home
i also need to really think about my event planning business
i did our wedding mainly there is still a lot i can learn and do to make my visions even better
but i want to do something
we all have gifts and i need to tap into mine
we need to really figure out our purposes in live and come up with our visions
we all have a purpose in this life and we need to have the courage to fulfill it!
Sunday, November 04, 2012
609: it was the best of times, it was the worst of times
was first said by Charles Dickens in his written work A Tale of Two Cities
and that's how i can describe the year 2012 thus far and what seems to look to be the rest of the year
Let's recap
we got engaged at the end of 2011
my MLK weekend we had a venue, colors, i had my dress, and we had our bridal party set
by feb we had flowers and invitations
and my future mother-in-law had undergone minor heart surgery but ended up back in the hospital due to a blood clot
we finally got save the date pictures done in march for DC
his grandfather's health declines and by June we have lost him
by July i am in the hospital and diagnosed with graves disease
BUT
by october we are married
and then two weeks later i am going through what is considered a thyroid storm and will have to either have radiation or surgery
go here to learn more if interested
so yes
it was the best of times, it was the worst of times
we are coming up on one month of marriage and with my health issues and other adjustments i won't lie and say it's been complete and total bliss
that's kind of hard when you wake up one day and look like you've been in a fight with said spouse, which is what happened one day two weeks ago...black eyes aren't cute and neither is a face that looks like a pizza cutter
but we look at the wedding pictures daily and the DVD almost daily and it was THE best day ever and that feeling and the feelings that i have for WHY we got married are there
the vision of him dancing with his mom who has major medical issues
the vision of me dancing with my dad who has major medical issues
is just simply beautiful!
and those memories are priceless
but true to form
life has happened, just like when we got engaged
we didn't have this bliss period
we got engaged and BAM real life stuff happened
and true to form we got married and BAM real life stuff is happening
the hardest part is just dealing with it all
the ironic thing is when you have graves you aren't supposed to stress but CLEARLY with all that has gone on, one can't help but to stress
i can say that i can't see myself being able to deal with or getting through any of this with anyone other than my husband
(ya'll peep that I got a husband, HA!)
we've been there from the beginning with everything and we will continue to be there for one another
j.a.j said it best in this blog post she said: "the wedding day IS the happy ending. Look at all the movies and fairy tales we see. That's usually how it ends. Because from that day forward, is the beginning of a life full of work and tolerance"
marriage is beautiful
i am happy to be married
i am happy to be a wife and a mother
and in a bubble where the world wouldn't be happening i'd be even happier because it would be "easy"
but when the real world happens, the fairy tale ends and reality sets in
i am just happy to have someone by my side who has VOWED to go through that reality with me, that's the aha moment
no it's not the fairytale but the partnership makes the ability to deal with reality, well for lack of a better word, a reality
and that's how i can describe the year 2012 thus far and what seems to look to be the rest of the year
Let's recap
we got engaged at the end of 2011
my MLK weekend we had a venue, colors, i had my dress, and we had our bridal party set
by feb we had flowers and invitations
and my future mother-in-law had undergone minor heart surgery but ended up back in the hospital due to a blood clot
we finally got save the date pictures done in march for DC
his grandfather's health declines and by June we have lost him
by July i am in the hospital and diagnosed with graves disease
BUT
by october we are married
and then two weeks later i am going through what is considered a thyroid storm and will have to either have radiation or surgery
go here to learn more if interested
so yes
it was the best of times, it was the worst of times
we are coming up on one month of marriage and with my health issues and other adjustments i won't lie and say it's been complete and total bliss
that's kind of hard when you wake up one day and look like you've been in a fight with said spouse, which is what happened one day two weeks ago...black eyes aren't cute and neither is a face that looks like a pizza cutter
but we look at the wedding pictures daily and the DVD almost daily and it was THE best day ever and that feeling and the feelings that i have for WHY we got married are there
the vision of him dancing with his mom who has major medical issues
the vision of me dancing with my dad who has major medical issues
is just simply beautiful!
and those memories are priceless
but true to form
life has happened, just like when we got engaged
we didn't have this bliss period
we got engaged and BAM real life stuff happened
and true to form we got married and BAM real life stuff is happening
the hardest part is just dealing with it all
the ironic thing is when you have graves you aren't supposed to stress but CLEARLY with all that has gone on, one can't help but to stress
i can say that i can't see myself being able to deal with or getting through any of this with anyone other than my husband
(ya'll peep that I got a husband, HA!)
we've been there from the beginning with everything and we will continue to be there for one another
j.a.j said it best in this blog post she said: "the wedding day IS the happy ending. Look at all the movies and fairy tales we see. That's usually how it ends. Because from that day forward, is the beginning of a life full of work and tolerance"
marriage is beautiful
i am happy to be married
i am happy to be a wife and a mother
and in a bubble where the world wouldn't be happening i'd be even happier because it would be "easy"
but when the real world happens, the fairy tale ends and reality sets in
i am just happy to have someone by my side who has VOWED to go through that reality with me, that's the aha moment
no it's not the fairytale but the partnership makes the ability to deal with reality, well for lack of a better word, a reality
Sunday, October 28, 2012
wedding invoice
so still being on our wedding high
a thought just crossed my mind, well it briefly crossed my mind the night of, but it's crossed my mind again
should brides and grooms start invoicing people who don't attend the wedding but RSVP'd to do so?
let's break down a wedding cost shall we, just simply.
Say your wedding is $100 a plate/per person
and you have 10 people who RSVP that don't attend, that is $1000 that you are OUT of that you could've kept in your pocket, and yes in the grand scheme of things you have to know that everyone may not attend and some people have serious emergencies or illnesses or whatever
but i am talking about those people who don't show up because they didn't like their outfit or woke up that morning not in the best of moods so they just don't attend, what about those people?
We had about ummmmmm 12 or so people NOT show up to our wedding that had RSVP'd
We also had 3 people (2 adults and 1 child-it was an ADULT ONLY reception so that's another post for another time) who just showed up! So ok we'll take those because that takes the lose down
but you still have a loss of about $1000
out of the 9 or so left (after the balance of folks left) we know of 2 people that had an emergency, that's it
So that's 7 other folks that could give us our money back, right?
just a question
we won't be sending out invoices to people regarding them not attending the wedding
it can be seen in bad form and you can assume that folks have whatever reason for not attending and the reality is that them not coming or not do we really have a "right" to say "excuse me we didnt' get married at the fire hall, i need my money back" again can be seen in pretty bad form
but it's a thought
and i know based on recent debates, radio shows and other blogs i am not the only bride that's had it
we are fortunate that most people showed and in the larger scale its a small loss
but a loss none the same
what y'all think?
a thought just crossed my mind, well it briefly crossed my mind the night of, but it's crossed my mind again
should brides and grooms start invoicing people who don't attend the wedding but RSVP'd to do so?
let's break down a wedding cost shall we, just simply.
Say your wedding is $100 a plate/per person
and you have 10 people who RSVP that don't attend, that is $1000 that you are OUT of that you could've kept in your pocket, and yes in the grand scheme of things you have to know that everyone may not attend and some people have serious emergencies or illnesses or whatever
but i am talking about those people who don't show up because they didn't like their outfit or woke up that morning not in the best of moods so they just don't attend, what about those people?
We had about ummmmmm 12 or so people NOT show up to our wedding that had RSVP'd
We also had 3 people (2 adults and 1 child-it was an ADULT ONLY reception so that's another post for another time) who just showed up! So ok we'll take those because that takes the lose down
but you still have a loss of about $1000
out of the 9 or so left (after the balance of folks left) we know of 2 people that had an emergency, that's it
So that's 7 other folks that could give us our money back, right?
just a question
we won't be sending out invoices to people regarding them not attending the wedding
it can be seen in bad form and you can assume that folks have whatever reason for not attending and the reality is that them not coming or not do we really have a "right" to say "excuse me we didnt' get married at the fire hall, i need my money back" again can be seen in pretty bad form
but it's a thought
and i know based on recent debates, radio shows and other blogs i am not the only bride that's had it
we are fortunate that most people showed and in the larger scale its a small loss
but a loss none the same
what y'all think?
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
we are not your priority anymore...
those were the words that just came out of my daddy's mouth
and those word pierced me to my soul
it's been us for all of my life
it's been them
they were my priority and i was ALWAYS theirs (besides their other children, but this is about us, me and them)
if you were at our wedding on that day you would have seen it
you could feel how much my parents adore me and how much i adore them
but my daddy just told me
'we are no longer your priority, your family is your priority, your husband, your son, and you, we are secondary now'
wow!
you learn the leave and cleave principle when you are in pre-marital counseling and you know that's the reality but to hear your parent say that its like wow who told you that!
nope
not trying to hear it
but it's the truth
the conversation started because i realized i have seen my mom every month since august and they were just here for 2 weeks and it made me realize just how much i need them around not just for me but for our family and so i said well i don't think i will wait until july to see you all and he was like
'save your money, invest in your house, invest in your household, we aren't priority anymore...your life has changed and i am ok with that'
again WOOOW who said you can feel that way daddy!
who said that was an OK feeling
but again it's reality
it's a wonderful feeling knowing that he approves of my husband and he knows everything we've been through and he still believes he's the one for me and he/they adore lil D that's their grandson
totally in love with him
so it's a good thing
it's a good thing that he's the man making me understand that these two men are the most important men in my life now
that's why no matter what, he's the greatest man and will always be, despite our arguments, our every misunderstanding, my parents have been my greatest teachers and i have great joy knowing that they aren't done with me yet
they want us to have 42 years like they have and they want us to succeed
now WE are our first priority
US
easy in theory
work in progress
and those word pierced me to my soul
it's been us for all of my life
it's been them
they were my priority and i was ALWAYS theirs (besides their other children, but this is about us, me and them)
if you were at our wedding on that day you would have seen it
you could feel how much my parents adore me and how much i adore them
but my daddy just told me
'we are no longer your priority, your family is your priority, your husband, your son, and you, we are secondary now'
wow!
you learn the leave and cleave principle when you are in pre-marital counseling and you know that's the reality but to hear your parent say that its like wow who told you that!
nope
not trying to hear it
but it's the truth
the conversation started because i realized i have seen my mom every month since august and they were just here for 2 weeks and it made me realize just how much i need them around not just for me but for our family and so i said well i don't think i will wait until july to see you all and he was like
'save your money, invest in your house, invest in your household, we aren't priority anymore...your life has changed and i am ok with that'
again WOOOW who said you can feel that way daddy!
who said that was an OK feeling
but again it's reality
it's a wonderful feeling knowing that he approves of my husband and he knows everything we've been through and he still believes he's the one for me and he/they adore lil D that's their grandson
totally in love with him
so it's a good thing
it's a good thing that he's the man making me understand that these two men are the most important men in my life now
that's why no matter what, he's the greatest man and will always be, despite our arguments, our every misunderstanding, my parents have been my greatest teachers and i have great joy knowing that they aren't done with me yet
they want us to have 42 years like they have and they want us to succeed
now WE are our first priority
US
easy in theory
work in progress
Saturday, October 20, 2012
today...two weeks in
today marks two weeks in
SN: i wonder at what you stop counting
he's working a double and the lil him has been home with me for the last two days because we have both been sick so we have been home just hanging around
today i decided to take the time to finish up a few things that i needed to get done
i finally finished up my thank you notes from my bridal shower
i had done the initial thank you notes to my bridal party and those who were apart of the planning process
but i really wanted to finish up all of the notes and get them out before we send out wedding thank you notes
i have also been taking the time to reach out to the women of my life and just stay connected
sometimes we tend to get wrapped up in our own lives so i just wanted to say HEY to some of my girls and just let them know that they were thought about and loved
i have also been taking the time to catch up on reading blogs and getting some food for thought on life
rereading cards
reading positive blogs
reading some passages in the book the power of the prayer wife
just really feeding my soul with positive vibes and conversation and love
i think that's one of the best things you can do as a woman is fill your soul with things that give you peace because a peaceful home makes for a peaceful life
and who doesn't want peace
i like this feeling
i haven't had days of nothingness is a long time where i could just sit and be still and just hush
and i have got to say that today has been a good day of it!
SN: i wonder at what you stop counting
he's working a double and the lil him has been home with me for the last two days because we have both been sick so we have been home just hanging around
today i decided to take the time to finish up a few things that i needed to get done
i finally finished up my thank you notes from my bridal shower
i had done the initial thank you notes to my bridal party and those who were apart of the planning process
but i really wanted to finish up all of the notes and get them out before we send out wedding thank you notes
i have also been taking the time to reach out to the women of my life and just stay connected
sometimes we tend to get wrapped up in our own lives so i just wanted to say HEY to some of my girls and just let them know that they were thought about and loved
i have also been taking the time to catch up on reading blogs and getting some food for thought on life
rereading cards
reading positive blogs
reading some passages in the book the power of the prayer wife
just really feeding my soul with positive vibes and conversation and love
i think that's one of the best things you can do as a woman is fill your soul with things that give you peace because a peaceful home makes for a peaceful life
and who doesn't want peace
i like this feeling
i haven't had days of nothingness is a long time where i could just sit and be still and just hush
and i have got to say that today has been a good day of it!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
run this town
that's what we did on our wedding day/night
we ran b-more
the married life
and i'll be honest it's better than any life i could have thought
it's fun
it's peaceful
i think what it is, or i know what it is, when you get married all of these expectations or issues that you have on your shoulders are gone
it's a secure feeling
safety for a woman
loyalty for a man
the day of
we were both so happy
people have actually commented on just house happy we BOTH were
we concluded most grooms must not be genuinely happy or maybe not as happy
we don't get it
he and i were both extremely happy
like things went "wrong" it wasn't perfect but it was!
it was such a day full of love
everyone that mattered and was there for the most part was there out of or because of LOVE
sure some folks came to strictly speculate but most people were there because they loved us and wanted to celebrate our love
my co worker said "it was the joy in your wedding that made the night, i've been to a lot of weddings, and what i admired the most was that it was two whole people, coming together making whole love, and it wasn't just about the bride it was about you all coming together as a family"
it was like wow
it was everything we could have wanted and more...it wasn't just about me or just about him
it was about us, my co-worker even commented on how the wedding was clearly a joint effort it didn't just look like it was about the bride but it was clearly a lot of him in the room as well...
and all i could think was, well we planned the wedding together
at the end of the day, as long as i had something to wear and he was at the end of the aisle, that's all that mattered
it was truly about the three of us becoming a family
all the other wonderful things were wonderful bonuses
if you've read this blog for a while now than you know that i have had many of an up and down and finding myself over the years and truth be told i don't think i'll ever stop finding myself or stop having my insecurities about things such as weight or whatever
but one thing is for sure i am happy with who i am as a total package as a person
i am ok with the heart that i have and who am is such a wonderful gift and i know that now
my cousin also said to me he would get married when he found someone like me, that they don't make women like me and my friends
and i have said that before, that we aren't the norm and its interesting that someone else says that to me
but it's the truth
all of the women that i surround myself with are NOT the normal, we are good women
and i mean good women not just average good women, but above average, special women!
another wonderful thing was that my father, my daddy was able to walk me down the aisle and have his first dance with me, two/three years ago that might not have happened, he was just that sick, so to have him laugh and joke and smile just warmed my heart!
i feel a sense of peace and joy that i can't describe being a wife and a mom
not saying i am complete because i was definitely complete
well maybe i wasn't complete maybe that's the thing
maybe just maybe in order to find peace sometimes you have to be willing to share your life with someone else
if you truly believe that life is about sharing it with others and loving others
marriage may be for you
i always knew i wanted to get married
however, at one point i was ok with NOT getting married and i got comfortable with it
but then the one person who loves me more than i love myself even when i don't know why comes back into my life and its not easy and won't always be easy
but it is worth it
sharing your life with someone is a great gift from the Almighty
it's all worth it
we ran b-more
the married life
and i'll be honest it's better than any life i could have thought
it's fun
it's peaceful
i think what it is, or i know what it is, when you get married all of these expectations or issues that you have on your shoulders are gone
it's a secure feeling
safety for a woman
loyalty for a man
the day of
we were both so happy
people have actually commented on just house happy we BOTH were
we concluded most grooms must not be genuinely happy or maybe not as happy
we don't get it
he and i were both extremely happy
like things went "wrong" it wasn't perfect but it was!
it was such a day full of love
everyone that mattered and was there for the most part was there out of or because of LOVE
sure some folks came to strictly speculate but most people were there because they loved us and wanted to celebrate our love
my co worker said "it was the joy in your wedding that made the night, i've been to a lot of weddings, and what i admired the most was that it was two whole people, coming together making whole love, and it wasn't just about the bride it was about you all coming together as a family"
it was like wow
it was everything we could have wanted and more...it wasn't just about me or just about him
it was about us, my co-worker even commented on how the wedding was clearly a joint effort it didn't just look like it was about the bride but it was clearly a lot of him in the room as well...
and all i could think was, well we planned the wedding together
at the end of the day, as long as i had something to wear and he was at the end of the aisle, that's all that mattered
it was truly about the three of us becoming a family
all the other wonderful things were wonderful bonuses
if you've read this blog for a while now than you know that i have had many of an up and down and finding myself over the years and truth be told i don't think i'll ever stop finding myself or stop having my insecurities about things such as weight or whatever
but one thing is for sure i am happy with who i am as a total package as a person
i am ok with the heart that i have and who am is such a wonderful gift and i know that now
my cousin also said to me he would get married when he found someone like me, that they don't make women like me and my friends
and i have said that before, that we aren't the norm and its interesting that someone else says that to me
but it's the truth
all of the women that i surround myself with are NOT the normal, we are good women
and i mean good women not just average good women, but above average, special women!
another wonderful thing was that my father, my daddy was able to walk me down the aisle and have his first dance with me, two/three years ago that might not have happened, he was just that sick, so to have him laugh and joke and smile just warmed my heart!
i feel a sense of peace and joy that i can't describe being a wife and a mom
not saying i am complete because i was definitely complete
well maybe i wasn't complete maybe that's the thing
maybe just maybe in order to find peace sometimes you have to be willing to share your life with someone else
if you truly believe that life is about sharing it with others and loving others
marriage may be for you
i always knew i wanted to get married
however, at one point i was ok with NOT getting married and i got comfortable with it
but then the one person who loves me more than i love myself even when i don't know why comes back into my life and its not easy and won't always be easy
but it is worth it
sharing your life with someone is a great gift from the Almighty
it's all worth it
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