space...

how do you give someone that you care about space
especially when the space has nothing to do with YOU or the US
but more to do with things that are going on in their life

you feel like your heart is breaking for them and with them
you know that if you could you would take away all the hurt and the pain
all you want to do is be there for them
that shoulder to lean on
that sun in the cloud
that joy amongst the pain

all you want to do is wrap your arms around them and let them know that everything will be ok
but you can't...

and what makes it worse is when you BOTH are going through

you with your family
him with his...

all in ONE weekend...
the bottom decided to drop out from under us...
so you need him too...

what do you do????

you let go, you give the space
and most of all you pray...

i know my faith has grown because I feel myself breaking but at the same time I am not breaking...

i know that there is a bigger purpose and through Jehovah GOD

my father's health will come under control and my family (brothers, mother and I) will learn how to deal
HIS nephews and brother will get past what SHE did to them and make it...

I see the Sunshine through the rain...I see it...
its in the distance but I see it...

Love life people
Love those in your life
Never take your mental OR physical health for granted...its a precious thing...

& we're back....rAndomneSS

• Man like BIG sis Blu said..."love is a resilient thing"meaning that when you really care about someone you are willing to look past their faults and forgive and move forward...
• how about I am so totally blessed to have all of my sisters in life, and that TOTALLY includes my BLOG sistahs...you ladies are the BEST
• I am still amazed that you didn't cut me off and out yesterday, I mean I knew you wouldn't like break it off or anything, but the fact that YOU kept calling me, like we always do...meant a lot
• how about you texting me with your work # yesterday made my day...I was SO glad I could talk to you yesterday...it really helped me get through all that mess...AND then you called AS SOON AS YOU GOT home...man sistahs...got love 'em
• & thank you for the text message last night to check on me lil sis...even though you didn't comment you wanted to make sure I was aiight...love you too!
• and YES you are too funny...you call me every morning but TODAY you were on a roll...your man had on some Dexter shoes and super XS sweatpants...CLASSIC
• and I think its sweet that you want to make plans with me since your business trip was cancelled
• ok so why do I need to move on from being so mushy?
• the train was packed again this morning, friggin spring breakers...all cheaper on the train this morning...
• but it was actually OK because I am in a good mood...
• i was in bed by like 9:15, such an old lady
• its a wonderful 70 DEGREES outside...I love it...
• another shot out in the good ol PG County last night...around the way none the less...CRAZY
• they found the boy, yes BOY he was only 16, that shot that guy in the back last week...crazy
• it amazes me how much young people really don't get that education is the key
• they sit up in there 400K homes thinking life is sweet because the parents got government jobs...well I got news for you if you can't write an essay you can't fill out a KSA and you won't be able to get into the friggin MAIL ROOM
• why am I so pumped to go home and do NOTHING...yes absolutely NOTHING
• Victoria and Nikki on Y & R are getting on my nerves, I am glad Victor SNAPPED out on her yesterday...YES NEIL WINTERS for the BOARD...give the brother some recognition geesh...but you know its such a reality of how the corporate world works...nepotism...
• speaking of nepotism-my Dad is "trippin" again...I don't know what's up with his meds...i saw him on Wednesday and he was just out of it...I know its those friggin meds man...uggg it pisses me off...Imma go holla at him tomorrow, I talk to him everyday but some days he remembers and others he doesn't
• my mother is so cute to me...she is such a wonderful Mom...shot out to PC
• Tunk has pink eye...me and HIM are thinking about taking the nephews to the circus...its in town...I don't know if he and I can handle 2-3 year olds and 2-4 year olds OFF the HOOK lil men...
• you know I will always probably make HALF of whatever my "man" makes because I work in non-profit and I will never make 6 figures...but I am actually OK with that because I LOVE my job...
• ok its hot as hell in this friggin place today...i have on a short sleeve shirt and STILL had to go into the conference room to get the fan...

OK so not to much really going on, but going on...just wanted to let you guys in on my life a little bit...

I'm back...no worries...

ugly side....

I got a glimpse into my ugly side this morning and I really don't like it...

I flicked off, and for what, why did I do that...why did I say such a hurtful thing to THE person that is in my life? Why did I do that?

As positive as I try to be, as much as I have fought those "old ways" of being mean and nasty...spiteful...

I reverted right back to that this morning...Why? Because I felt like he wasn't hearing me...come one now, that's truly NOT a good enough reason...why because I didn't like what he said....that's truly NOT a good enough reason either...

There is truly NO excuse for hurting someone that I care about...NONE!

This is something that I have had to fight with for years..
its like the song When Dove's Cry by Prince....

Maybe I'm just 2 demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father 2 bold
Maybe you're just like my mother
She's never satisfied (She's never satisfied)
Why do we scream at each other
This is what it sounds like
When doves cry

I am truly like my father in the sense that I have a temper...I am hot headed...or I was...I would argue with you and really beat into your head MY point of view....I have known this for a while and I have really made a conscious effort to NOT be that way, and up until this point, up until this morning...

For the past 3 or 4 years now since i have been really working on my relationship with GOD I have really been working AGAINST a lot of things...especially THIS arguing...and just being plain old mean to folks...

I really just strive every day to be positive and have peace of heart and mind...

I hadn't flicked...but this morning all of that changed...

So why did I say that this morning? One little phrase, one word, it wasn't a curse word, it wasn't anything demeaning, but it was hurtful...

And I feel horrible, not only because I came out of MY character...the person that I am now, but I feel horrible, because I MADE YOU FEEL BAD!

I can't stand it that you are hurting...

I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me...to understand that that wasn't me, that wasn't who I truly am...

Let me get back to being ME...cause that person this morning...I am NOT HER!

Venting

Ok so this will be REAL quick...but some THANGS just really PISS me off...and I will go back to my world of lovely beauty...

like seriously, have you NOT ever seen a black woman with straight hair...OR maybe its because I went from braids to a fro to a press/straight look in all of 3 work days and they are just totally confused...Just because I decide to take my braids out and get my hair pressed, does NOT give you the right to make me the OFFICE SPECTACLE...

NOR does it give you the right to put YOUR HANDS IN MY HAIR!

Have you lost you ever loving friggin mind....are you serious....did you just touch MY hair, are you IN my personal space...and you are NEW here and a CONTRACTED employee...

Get OUT of HERE....

Like seriously....

and the sad thing is I saw her walking over and I knew it was coming...I saw her butt walking over and was like she isn't that bold...oh crap she really is...

it took ALL of me not to smack that lady...(calm down T, just calm down...its ok)

my co-worker told me that i needed to let her know that you don't do that...because the next time she might get knocked the hell out putting her hands in someone's hair...

well she better get it right...

Ok I have gotten that out...back to a regularly schedule programing...

LIFE is GOOD!

Beautiful New Beginning

Never before has life held as much promise as it does on this very day. The possibilities open to you right now are more wonderful and abundant than they have ever been.

You may be suffering under the sad illusion that the best days of your life have already come and gone. Choose now to see beyond that self-imposed limiting thought.

Open your eyes to the beautiful truth that the things in your life with real value and meaning never decline or decay. The longer you live with purpose and sincerity, the more intensely you experience true love and joy.

It may seem that your mistakes have been piled on top of mistakes, and that nothing can free you from your burdensome regrets. Yet the freedom you seek is as close as the next moment.

Every beauty you've ever imagined is real, and exists in you right now. Every joy that you've ever glimpsed is yours to live and to express any time you choose.

You stand in this moment at a beautiful new beginning, full of promise and possibility. See it, know it, live it, and allow the joy to flow more abundantly than ever before.
-- Ralph Marston

So why do I start of this Fabulous Tuesday with this message...becasue its so TRUE!

Everyday is a NEW day to look at life and understand every beauty that is around you.
When I think of beauty, I think of Jehovah GOD and the fact that he creates ALL things in HIS image how he sees fit to create them....including you...and setting up your life and your path...as long as you lean on HIM and not your own understanding...


Have you ever just sat back and really just took time to experience the beauty of life and how it works????

There are so many possiblities for us in life, if we would just SPEAK those positive things into existence....(shot out to big sis Jus for that one)....have you ever just thought about the power of your words?

If you constantly say: "Imma catch a cold.." what happens...you catch a cold....
If you constantly say: "I am fat" what happens...you gain weight
If you constantly say: "I am broke" what happens...your money is always funny
If you constantly say: "I am going to be alone, no one will ever love me like I deserve it..." what happens you are alone or settle for just anyone because you are lonely...

Start saying.... I am going to take care of myself...
Start saying.... I am beautifully made and will work to maintain my health
Start saying.... I will be financially blessed as long as I start to use my money for MY benefit
Start saying.... The person that is meant for me, will love and adore me, as he/she should being a Child of Christ...I will know true unconditional love

We have to speak it people, we have to think it people, we have to really re-train ourselves and look at life in a positive-and most beautiful way. We have all made our mistakes, had our bumps in the road...that's life and if we didn't experience the bad we would never appreciate the good...but life don't have to be bad ALWAYS...that's not what life is about...

If you start to look at life as a beautiful journey full of endless possibities, with ups and downs, twists and turns, all beautifully constructed to make YOU the BEST YOU, you can be...then life is just that a beautiful journey....

...have that confidence, that spring in your step, that look in your eye...that drive, that focus that LOVE in your heart for GOD and YOURSELF...and it will show in EVERYTHING YOU DO!

Just keep trying people....just keep striving people....

The Line

I must admit that I didn't realize just how much I missed my line sisters until I saw them on Satruday night.

One of my line sisters, my front, got married on Saturday...it was a very emtional ceremony, the groom broke down at the alter, you could tell that he was very VERY IN love with his wife to be...

They also did presentations to their parents at the end of the ceremony...

all in all the wedding was really nice!

But it was the reception that was the BOMB to me...buffet, food all over the place (crab cakes, beef, chicken, turkey...and it was ALL GOOD too) and open bar (now I am not just talking about alcohol for all you drinkers out there, but it was at Martin's West and most times you have to even pay for SODA you know...so that was a GRAET bonus...)

But the BEST thing about the reception was the fact that me and my line sisters got to talk and talk and talk...and when we talk we talk TRASH, we laugh we joke, we cut each other up

WE just have GREAT TIME!!!!!

So after we left I realized just how much I miss those women...

not all of us were able to make it...we were missing 4 out of the 14...but the 10 of us (plus our Danny) made the most of it...

We will be FIVE whole YEARS old in Delta this year and we are planning to do something together and I am HYPED about it

So here's to US ladies...I love you all!!!!

The Fro

yep that's me! (I mentioned a while back that i totally looked like my graphic in my TC signature) I have been growing my hair out naturally for the past what, I think I think....yea 8 months now...now before you get to afraid...that's me last night after I washed my hair out, so it wasn't fully picked out and I didn't blow dry it out with a comb....but honestly the more and more i look at it, its cute!

I don't really know what made me SNAP out and just determine that i wanted to go natural...I think its because eventually I want to have my hair in locs...

YES locs! but this CRAZY in between phase is really really really killing me...I mean really...

It also doesn't help that I came into work today with it picked out a little in a fro with BIG silver hoop earrings....and my boss was like, OMG you look like Angela Davis...its so cute...

but anyways...its funny because I know I look different...like I have said before I have many different looks to me...but its funny to walk around with a fro and notice all the crazy looks you get...this one lady was just looking at me like I was a Martian or something...eyes LOCKED in....but that's how some folks are, you know...

or maybe its really just me being self conscious because I have never had my hair out like this...

I sent my brother the pic last night and said "your other brother" he called me dying laughing...because I honestly look like him with my hair like this...

Anyways...just another part in the hair chronicles....you guys KNOW how i am about my hair...OFF the HOOK right...

Tonight I get it pressed out...i am nervous about that too...but hey change is GOOD!

UPDATE:

So here is how IT (myhair) looks pressed out:

That is me and one of my line sisters at our other line sisters wedding on Saturday night. I am the one in the pink/peach top it came out really nice..(the press)