So whatever happened to him, I mean really. I have come to realize just how much I miss him. His voice, his skin, his eyes...his touch to my soul when he begins to let me know how he feels about me. I mean just everything about this man...I just miss him! I can't say it any other way. I mean for everything he has done for me, I can't understand why he changed, I can't understand why he would want to leave me. Now, I must honestly admit that this was not my first love, he really wasn't that belongs to another man, (that can be talked about at another time at another place) but for now I want to talk about this man that just came into my life and left me, without a word, without so much as a glance, letter, notice, NOTHING!
Why Mike, why did you leave me...
Ok, yes I am talking about Michael Jackson...
YES THE Michael Jackson...not the one that we know now, but the real Mike...the one that sat on the front of his "Thriller" cover with a white suite on with a half wet jerry curl holding a baby tiger...
Where did you go Mike? What happened to the thug who asked "why you want to be startin something?" What happened to the man who told Bellie Jean that he wasn't the baby's daddy? (that was because you was in love with me...come on Mike...)What happened to things just being human nature? What happened to PYT, you looking for Me? What happened to me being the lady of your life? What happened I just don't understand...
Oh how I miss you...please come back, please!
I want to love you pretty young thang...you are the lady of my life...don't you go no where....always my lady...all through the night...all over all over all over...lay back with me, let me love you girl....
How could you Mike, how could you love me so and just leave me...how could you....
somebody call Claude and go and find him Please....Please....Please
*tear*
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
If I ruled the world
There would be no homelessness or poverty
Everyone would have access to healthcare and an education FREE
There would be peace and respect for all people...
Every child would be raised in a loving enviroment
We would truly live by the Absolute Truth...
But....if I ruled the world...
I would ROCK stuff like this EVERY DAY Of My Life....
YES my hair would be cut like this (and FYI...if I wasn't in this phase of growing my hair out OR if I worked for myself, YES my hair would have been cut like this a long time ago...)
If only I could rule the world
Everyone would have access to healthcare and an education FREE
There would be peace and respect for all people...
Every child would be raised in a loving enviroment
We would truly live by the Absolute Truth...
But....if I ruled the world...
I would ROCK stuff like this EVERY DAY Of My Life....
YES my hair would be cut like this (and FYI...if I wasn't in this phase of growing my hair out OR if I worked for myself, YES my hair would have been cut like this a long time ago...)
If only I could rule the world
Ok so what now....
So I am back from Vegas, sitting at work, really only here in body and not at all in mind...I mean I just have a lot to think about.
Like really what is it that I want out of life
What do I want out of life?
I had this image of being this strong corporate career woman, making the money, driving the Range, living in my own house and doing my thing, and then by now I would be engaged, about to get married and have the house in the DC burbs with 2.5 kids and a dog...
Money and not being lower middle class was the thing for me, my ticket out was my education, and with my degrees I would be sitting pretty right now...well that's not at all what life is really for me. I am struggling day to day just to keep the basic bills paid and get the necessities...I mean its a good lesson for me to learn because I have learned to budget, learned that I was shopping to fill a missing void within myself and learned that I am strong, I learned how to love myself and just be happy with just me (that's an ongoing process but I am in a good place with me not needing validation, just accepting me as the young woman that I am) learned that I can live alone, I can be alone....but now what?
What is my next move?
Do I want to be in another relationship? I mean there is something about being in love, and I really and truly want to be in love, but I am not in love with the idea of being in love and willing to settle...I see no point in settling...so maybe I will just remain single, why not? But man it's like going on year 3 at this point, being single and dating (oh and by the way I HATE dating, I hate that six month period of getting to know someone ONLY to find out that who you thought you were getting to know is NOT who the person really is...)...no its not 3, more like almost 2...geeze T stop being dramatic
That's another good thing, I am not as emotionally dramatic as I used to be...don't get me wrong I am still EXTRA with the best of them, loud, funny, all of that, but I don't let little stuff get to me AS MUCH as it used to...I can see how that was a part in my downfall of my relationship...
Why is it that I want to always talk, I always want to talk, but not just about us, about everything, I am one of those type of people that wants to know EVERYTHING, all of your hopes, fears, dreams, all of that...how was you day? What did you do? Maybe that's the downfall that I need to work on...I want someone to want to WANT to know those things too...The balancing act is learning when to let it ride and when to ask...
Stop tripping off of the small stuff...He didn't call me right back, so should I have a heart attack because of that...just explain if you aren't going to call RIGHT BACK then don't say that...just say I will call you back...but dag on is that petty...I don't know...
Do I want to work for the government? Man that's a long application to fill out, but my epxerience and educational background it would be a perfect fit, PLUS the fact that I live in DC...Duh...I mean I can start that process while I have a good job and can be here for another year or so....I don't know what to do about that...
Then there is the Project Management Certificate course, have I even started that yet, NO, have a began to pay for it YES, do I have my books for my first course YES...have I started anything, again, NO....man what's with me...get with it T, get it over with...get that certification, another thing to add to the resume so we can at least get this money to live at our means...we struggling just for basics come on get it together...
Maybe that's what it is, I am just not motivated...it just seems like you have to give your first born child away JUST to get into the government...Corporate America isn't even an issue anymore, I mean if I get in I get in, if I don't I don't...non-profits and government will work for me for a career path...see I DO want a career path, something that I do day in and day out that I like to do, but its not the priority for me...when I leave work I want to leave work, I want to work 7-3 or 9-5 and let that be that...my GOD, my family, my friends, my life...I don't want it to be ALL about a career....
Random stuff that just came to mind
Man...why is it that folks ALWAYS have something to say about my closet...why do you even give a freak that I have clothes everywhere in MY closet...its not organized, its a mess, and then you want to go in there and look and say "its always like this" and it just so happens to look like that because I was going out of town for a week...how is it supposed to look...but I do need to have someone organize it for real for real, but will it stay organized???? man that reminds me, I will be living out of my suitecases for another week, I won't have time to unpack until this weekend...
Oh, I do have a 3 day weekend I get Friday off...YES! But I need to go and get my passport application in for our 1st of the year cruise...
Ok, so what was a I really talking about...oh yea, life, love, and career...
I am not where I would have like to have been at this point, romantically or career wise, not at all...it will get better though, hopefully...
I want to be in love, that for real lifetime unconditional love though...I want to give unconditionally and receive unconditionally...true love...
I want to be married and I want to be a wife and mother...I really do....
I don't know if I want to be that "career" woman anymore, other things are more important to me now....TRUST me I will always work but I don't know if corporate America is the best thing for me and my other goals in life
One of my mentors suggested that I become a teacher because I have a natural gift with young people and I love education, I love to learn....that's true...but man the money...but so what about the money...I have come to realise that unless I am making 6 figures which I may not ever make, then I can't afford what I really want anyways...so what difference does it make...and yes I say I can't afford I can't plan a future based on a double income when realistically its just me!
But I have learned that, that the material things don't make you happy...I can look just as fly with a $22 skirt on from Target as I can with a $220 dress on from BCBG...will I ever stop buying "high end" stuff? NO, HELL NO....BUT I have learned to shop better and still be ME and still be fly and still be in my budget...
Why is it that I decided to write this...I don't know I was just in a mood to get some things off of my chest, I guess I just needed to type...so many things have been just sitting inside of me for what the last week or so...so I just decided to let things out....
So what is the wrap up:
*I want true unconditional love, but I am not willing to settle for just any thing so that may mean that I am single for another couple of years...
*I understand that money doesn't move me like I thought it did...I would rather work and live comfortably than work just for a dollar...moreover
*I want to do something that I can be proud of something that makes a difference in someone's life...will that be teaching I don't know...but it will be something
positive that's for sure....
*I want to be a wife and mother more than being a "career" woman, that's the most important role to fulfill, to ME...
*I see that someone is always going to have something to say so just do you and be happy with you, cause if you aren't happy with yourself then what's the point...do you boo....
*Oh, most importantly, I get that life isn't always what you THINK or PLAN it to be, but it works out for the best in the long run, even if you can't see it at the time...so even if things that I "want" on this list do NOT come to pass...well it will be for the best then...
Like really what is it that I want out of life
What do I want out of life?
I had this image of being this strong corporate career woman, making the money, driving the Range, living in my own house and doing my thing, and then by now I would be engaged, about to get married and have the house in the DC burbs with 2.5 kids and a dog...
Money and not being lower middle class was the thing for me, my ticket out was my education, and with my degrees I would be sitting pretty right now...well that's not at all what life is really for me. I am struggling day to day just to keep the basic bills paid and get the necessities...I mean its a good lesson for me to learn because I have learned to budget, learned that I was shopping to fill a missing void within myself and learned that I am strong, I learned how to love myself and just be happy with just me (that's an ongoing process but I am in a good place with me not needing validation, just accepting me as the young woman that I am) learned that I can live alone, I can be alone....but now what?
What is my next move?
Do I want to be in another relationship? I mean there is something about being in love, and I really and truly want to be in love, but I am not in love with the idea of being in love and willing to settle...I see no point in settling...so maybe I will just remain single, why not? But man it's like going on year 3 at this point, being single and dating (oh and by the way I HATE dating, I hate that six month period of getting to know someone ONLY to find out that who you thought you were getting to know is NOT who the person really is...)...no its not 3, more like almost 2...geeze T stop being dramatic
That's another good thing, I am not as emotionally dramatic as I used to be...don't get me wrong I am still EXTRA with the best of them, loud, funny, all of that, but I don't let little stuff get to me AS MUCH as it used to...I can see how that was a part in my downfall of my relationship...
Why is it that I want to always talk, I always want to talk, but not just about us, about everything, I am one of those type of people that wants to know EVERYTHING, all of your hopes, fears, dreams, all of that...how was you day? What did you do? Maybe that's the downfall that I need to work on...I want someone to want to WANT to know those things too...The balancing act is learning when to let it ride and when to ask...
Stop tripping off of the small stuff...He didn't call me right back, so should I have a heart attack because of that...just explain if you aren't going to call RIGHT BACK then don't say that...just say I will call you back...but dag on is that petty...I don't know...
Do I want to work for the government? Man that's a long application to fill out, but my epxerience and educational background it would be a perfect fit, PLUS the fact that I live in DC...Duh...I mean I can start that process while I have a good job and can be here for another year or so....I don't know what to do about that...
Then there is the Project Management Certificate course, have I even started that yet, NO, have a began to pay for it YES, do I have my books for my first course YES...have I started anything, again, NO....man what's with me...get with it T, get it over with...get that certification, another thing to add to the resume so we can at least get this money to live at our means...we struggling just for basics come on get it together...
Maybe that's what it is, I am just not motivated...it just seems like you have to give your first born child away JUST to get into the government...Corporate America isn't even an issue anymore, I mean if I get in I get in, if I don't I don't...non-profits and government will work for me for a career path...see I DO want a career path, something that I do day in and day out that I like to do, but its not the priority for me...when I leave work I want to leave work, I want to work 7-3 or 9-5 and let that be that...my GOD, my family, my friends, my life...I don't want it to be ALL about a career....
Random stuff that just came to mind
Man...why is it that folks ALWAYS have something to say about my closet...why do you even give a freak that I have clothes everywhere in MY closet...its not organized, its a mess, and then you want to go in there and look and say "its always like this" and it just so happens to look like that because I was going out of town for a week...how is it supposed to look...but I do need to have someone organize it for real for real, but will it stay organized???? man that reminds me, I will be living out of my suitecases for another week, I won't have time to unpack until this weekend...
Oh, I do have a 3 day weekend I get Friday off...YES! But I need to go and get my passport application in for our 1st of the year cruise...
Ok, so what was a I really talking about...oh yea, life, love, and career...
I am not where I would have like to have been at this point, romantically or career wise, not at all...it will get better though, hopefully...
I want to be in love, that for real lifetime unconditional love though...I want to give unconditionally and receive unconditionally...true love...
I want to be married and I want to be a wife and mother...I really do....
I don't know if I want to be that "career" woman anymore, other things are more important to me now....TRUST me I will always work but I don't know if corporate America is the best thing for me and my other goals in life
One of my mentors suggested that I become a teacher because I have a natural gift with young people and I love education, I love to learn....that's true...but man the money...but so what about the money...I have come to realise that unless I am making 6 figures which I may not ever make, then I can't afford what I really want anyways...so what difference does it make...and yes I say I can't afford I can't plan a future based on a double income when realistically its just me!
But I have learned that, that the material things don't make you happy...I can look just as fly with a $22 skirt on from Target as I can with a $220 dress on from BCBG...will I ever stop buying "high end" stuff? NO, HELL NO....BUT I have learned to shop better and still be ME and still be fly and still be in my budget...
Why is it that I decided to write this...I don't know I was just in a mood to get some things off of my chest, I guess I just needed to type...so many things have been just sitting inside of me for what the last week or so...so I just decided to let things out....
So what is the wrap up:
*I want true unconditional love, but I am not willing to settle for just any thing so that may mean that I am single for another couple of years...
*I understand that money doesn't move me like I thought it did...I would rather work and live comfortably than work just for a dollar...moreover
*I want to do something that I can be proud of something that makes a difference in someone's life...will that be teaching I don't know...but it will be something
positive that's for sure....
*I want to be a wife and mother more than being a "career" woman, that's the most important role to fulfill, to ME...
*I see that someone is always going to have something to say so just do you and be happy with you, cause if you aren't happy with yourself then what's the point...do you boo....
*Oh, most importantly, I get that life isn't always what you THINK or PLAN it to be, but it works out for the best in the long run, even if you can't see it at the time...so even if things that I "want" on this list do NOT come to pass...well it will be for the best then...
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Saturday, September 16, 2006
YES!
Ok ya'll I am still in Vegas right now, but THANK YOU GOD today is my last day here! I have about an hour and 45 minutes until I am done, so maybe I can actually get out and see a little of Vegas this evening...honestly I could care less...
I have been busting my butt so hard out here being the "new" gurl (homegurl at that) that I have had NO TIME to go out and do much, I have been in my room and in my bed EVERY NIGHT by 10pm...last night by 8:30pm...working 11-12 hour days doesn't really afford you much time to enjoy Vegas night life...especially when you are new on the job, you have to be "ON IT"
So anyways...I just needed to take a brief moment to blog something...wewwww OK now I can go back to work...been in a meeting all day and now was the only time I could get to this...
Man I missed the blogging world, I missed you guys, really...I have so much to say but I can't say it now...
Well I did take a couple of photos even of the LG Flat screens in my room and bathroom of my hotel...
I will holla at you all in EST...
Peace OUT @3:20pm PST
I have been busting my butt so hard out here being the "new" gurl (homegurl at that) that I have had NO TIME to go out and do much, I have been in my room and in my bed EVERY NIGHT by 10pm...last night by 8:30pm...working 11-12 hour days doesn't really afford you much time to enjoy Vegas night life...especially when you are new on the job, you have to be "ON IT"
So anyways...I just needed to take a brief moment to blog something...wewwww OK now I can go back to work...been in a meeting all day and now was the only time I could get to this...
Man I missed the blogging world, I missed you guys, really...I have so much to say but I can't say it now...
Well I did take a couple of photos even of the LG Flat screens in my room and bathroom of my hotel...
I will holla at you all in EST...
Peace OUT @3:20pm PST
Monday, September 11, 2006
Im goin to Vegas...
Yea but its not like its for fun or nothing...
So tomorrow morning I will get up and go to BWI Airport to board a five hour straight flight into Vegas...My home will be the Harrah's for the next five days, as I bust my butt for my job.
So with that said I won't be on the Blog. I already feel a certain type of sadness as I write this. I mean I am going to miss out on five days worth of ideas, thoughts, rants, just random expression...I have several good/close friends who are on the blog and I have meet some cool folks that I look forward to reading about daily...
So you guys keep it going while I am out...
Signing off for a minute or two...but while I am gone, do me a favor...
Peace & blessings, stay positive, stay up!
T.C.
So tomorrow morning I will get up and go to BWI Airport to board a five hour straight flight into Vegas...My home will be the Harrah's for the next five days, as I bust my butt for my job.
So with that said I won't be on the Blog. I already feel a certain type of sadness as I write this. I mean I am going to miss out on five days worth of ideas, thoughts, rants, just random expression...I have several good/close friends who are on the blog and I have meet some cool folks that I look forward to reading about daily...
So you guys keep it going while I am out...
Signing off for a minute or two...but while I am gone, do me a favor...
Peace & blessings, stay positive, stay up!
T.C.
What the Hell?
So this morning I couldn't wait to get to work to blog because I am WHAT, HEATED! Why? Because I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of these crazy freaking people in the world, whom I do NOTHING to, but always seem to get the BS from...
So I am walking towards the Yellow line train this morning on my way to work...I have on a gray dress and a crop jean jacket...my hair is out, I am chilling...walking towards me, is a man, an older man, got to be in his forties of fifties...he says "Excuse me miss..." now mind you this man is some several feet in front of me walking towards me, so I am not paying him any attention, I am not thinking that he is even talking to me...then when he gets up on me, he says, "You ain't pretty and you need to lose weight"...
Now that I KNOW he said to me...what did I do to this man...I mean really...man, all I could do was throw my hands up in the air like WTH!
I am so sick of people, I mean sick and tired of people and their BS...normally I would let it roll of my back, but today for some reason I felt some type of way about that...I mean really I was upset, I am upset...and I know I should let people get to me like that, but DAMN, what the hell did I ever do you to you? I am so heated this makes no sense at all...
Life, people, UGGGGGGG...I am really starting to no like DC at all...what the hell I am one of the nicest and most down to earth sistahs you will ever meet...why me? I just needed to get that off my chest...crazy man...
So I am walking towards the Yellow line train this morning on my way to work...I have on a gray dress and a crop jean jacket...my hair is out, I am chilling...walking towards me, is a man, an older man, got to be in his forties of fifties...he says "Excuse me miss..." now mind you this man is some several feet in front of me walking towards me, so I am not paying him any attention, I am not thinking that he is even talking to me...then when he gets up on me, he says, "You ain't pretty and you need to lose weight"...
Now that I KNOW he said to me...what did I do to this man...I mean really...man, all I could do was throw my hands up in the air like WTH!
I am so sick of people, I mean sick and tired of people and their BS...normally I would let it roll of my back, but today for some reason I felt some type of way about that...I mean really I was upset, I am upset...and I know I should let people get to me like that, but DAMN, what the hell did I ever do you to you? I am so heated this makes no sense at all...
Life, people, UGGGGGGG...I am really starting to no like DC at all...what the hell I am one of the nicest and most down to earth sistahs you will ever meet...why me? I just needed to get that off my chest...crazy man...
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