Saturday, January 30, 2010

another snow day

its been a really snowy winter

i don't know why, but i kinda thought it would be a little rough

its only 7:30pm on a Saturday and i could just go to bed already...

i've been chilling all day

i did get up and go and get some Chinese food but clearly my 4x2 truck didn't want to act right

my brother stated "you should just get the Q7 it has all wheel drive" my response:
"i need to get used to paying a mortgage first"

plus my truck has 90K+ miles on it but it rides well i have NO major issues with it and it will be paid off in what a month, the last payment is dude in March, which is the first month the mortgage payment is due...how ironic

when i think about it when i moved out the first time with lil big sis it was March of 2004 here i am 6 years later back in the same spot i left but its now mines

its so surreal

my uncle hotrod called me today he is always funny, i am a lot like him and my dad, i take nothing off of no one...seems to be way more acceptable with men to be that way than for women...i am learning to channel my mother a little bit more and trying to get my point across a little better...

i downloaded not even all of my music to my new ipod nano...2431 songs 7.2 days of music

i haven't put everything on there...that's the scary party...i only bought the 16GB one i knew i needed more than the 8GB but geesh its already over half full of music

i love music

i always have

it seems that all of us (my fathers kids, my brothers and i) love music 2 of them are extremely musically inclined i am 1 of the 2 that is not...but i love music

i am glad i have an ipod because now i can drown folks out at work and get work done

i still feel like i am finding my footing at work in life really

i don't know why i feel so off right now, all these major things have happened continue to happen really positive things but my two best homies (my parents) aren't here

one of my co-workers said i was going through what a lot of the young co-workers who have moved here from out of state have experienced

my parents were/ARE such a HUGE part of my life that its hard to have all these GREAT things happen and they aren't here

my like my momma (she is so wise) told me yesterday
"GOD is always with you"

and she is absolutely correct I just wish she and my dad could be here too

but you gotta grow up sometime and since i'll be 30 this year no better time than the present to get it together and learn to stand on my own two feet you know

i've been doing that but geesh when you are doing it by yourself

let's just say it aint all that easy

still working on my faith just like everyone else...

i am listening to "el cantante" LOVE this song...the music oh the music, the horns, the drums, the congas...

my oldest brother said he doesn't think we are puerto rican (yes i have been saying for years now that there is some sort of spanish heritage going on) but probably more like the Dominican republic

ok i really think i am going to get some sort of dna test down to trace my roots

i slept last night through the night without tossing and turning for the first time in a LONG time

i actually woke up feeling like i slept i got some rest

that was a good feeling
i am hoping that since the house process is completed i can stop stressing
my colonic has been rescheduled to next Sunday

that works for me because Monday is my weigh for our little unofficial "biggest loser" at work

we are going until May 24th whoever loses the MOST weight wins the pot of money each person is puttin in $20....we'll see what happens...

i need to start exercising once i get into the routine i'll be fine i am sure

i wonder if the schools will be closed on Monday that will mean no Kiamsha, i love them kids they off the hook but i love them


now i can start to focus on my health, my spirit, my soul...ME

you know what's funny is that people seem to forget that i am but a person too sometimes...but like my momma told me you can't be everything to everybody

HE is setting me up for bigger and better things i know...

patience with life and with myself

QUE LIO....AH
OR how about one of my FAV funk songs of all times

Friday, January 29, 2010

29 on the 29th next chapter:5916





5916 is now MINES!

what can i say i am completely emotional...

i cried and i cried like i can't believe that i made it this far...

its completely unbelivable that i am so fortunate that i am here at this place

i am so fortunate and appreciative and humble right now

THANK YOU

I have officially MADE MY HOME

Monday, January 25, 2010

colonic and other cleansing things...

yep you read right i am going to get my first colonic on sunday...
ironic that its a Sunday that i am going for the colon cleansing procedure but hey i know that i need to get it done

we all need a good cleaning physically sometimes as much as mentally...and i can't take many of the natural cleansers because i am allergic...

they say that the process is supposed to help with a lot of different thing including allergies...i sure hope so that would be AWESOME

my momma however, who is one of the funniest people i have ever met asked me WHY i needed to have it done...and i quote
"why can't you just run water up your own A$$, if that's all it takes i could have ran some water up there when you were home (her home Alabama) this past summer and been done with, why don't you just drink some casteroil or magnesium nitrate"

CLASSIC i love my momma i only got one...that's it and that's all and there isn't anyone that "gets me" like my momma and i love her for it!

you know what else is cleansing

not caring what people think...that's so cleansing

not knowing everything and KNOWING you don't know everything it ROCKS! becaust it let's you be humble

you know what else is cleansing...having a conversation with a girlfriend about life a real neither one of us are fronting but being mad real convo

or being around two people in love and seeing how much they love each other for who they are...seeing that man be a man for her

seems like everyone around me is finding that special love or making moves for themselves or having a baby

dude i LOVE seeing those around me happy that is like so refreshing for the soul...

something else that cleanses me riding and bumping music

and finally the other thing that rocks, that i am about to partake in...NAPS!

A nap on a MONDAY afternoon...loving it...

Friday, January 22, 2010

Thursday, January 21, 2010

lessons from my father

he always told me

"the first law of nature is self preservation"

meaning you can't possibly remotely utterly EVER think about taking care of anyone else until you FIRST take care of yourself...

that means:

mentally
spiritually
emotionally
physically
financially

loving and taking care of you ALL of YOU before you can even think about doing so for someone else

and until you get you right you can't be right for nobody else...don't get me wrong again we always are growing and learning but you can't build with anyone else if your foundation is sand, you gotta build your foundation on a solid platform FIRST before you can even THINK about building something with someone else or taking care of someone else

he also taught me that no matter what you do, how much you care, how much you give, people are going to ALWAYS have something to say about you, they will disagree with you because YOU said it before they did...they will argue with you just because they can and get under your skin because they have nothing better to do but here is the key:
its not about you...its that person and whatever is going on inside of them...

i remember once when i was little and a kid in school made fun of me because i was light (yes light skinned folks got teased too) and my dad said to me

"you go back and tell them you didn't ask to come here this color that if you could have you would have come here green the color of money the only color that really matters"

he taught me to believe none of what i hear and half of what i see because people fake the funk...

he taught me that the ONLY person in this life i can control is ME and that the only person that would determine if i make it or NOT is ME...

all these lessons from my father really are starting to hit home with me...they have always been there in the back of head but now more than ever i hear you Daddy...

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

the children...

for the most part i have been not avoiding writing on this topic but i figured most people who blog or read blogs are conscious enough to donate and give back when there is a need...

but something this morning struck a cord with me unlike anything else...

now i have made my monetary donations and i plan that when its time to send clothing, shoes, and those items most needed...

but when i saw the faces of those children this morning on the train while reading the paper...my heart sank and my eyes filled up...

so many children will now be orphans and that hit me

not that everything else didn't hit me because it did, the fact that the island was hit yet again this morning with a 6.1 "after shock" hits me, how much more can these people take...

the spoke of a man who was waiting for his wife to be uncovered "dead or alive" he said he wasn't leaving the location of her job, which was a local bank, until they found her...

that just goes to show how strong and loving the Haitian people are, but isn't that the culture of the Caribbean...

it burns me up that they keep stating that they are looters...they are looking for basic things to survive, what would YOU do in that situation??? right you don't know because you haven't had to deal with it...

if you aren't helping the situation i say leave it alone and keep your mouth shut...

back to my original thought, these children some of them will come to the US for treatment and will be placed with family members some group homes, some will become wards of the state...hopefully some will be adopted...

i have always thought about adopting a child, but its always been hard enough to just take care of me, but i am pretty settled now, why not why not help a child in need...

i can't get those big bright eyes out of my head...or that smile from the little boy, despite it all he was smiling...his cheeks so big, and i can imagine his heart is as big as his smile...

in all of this let's remember the children

Sunday, January 17, 2010

you ever....

feel like bloggin but you don't necessarily know where to start with stuff...

well that's how i feel i am just sitting at my dinning room table reading blogs on the web...listening to an old Faith Evens song "fallin in love" it has a Patricia Rasheen sample of "remind me" and the groove is just so smooth...its like a good hip hop groove...if it wasn't raining i'd go to my truck and bump it and just ride out...

riding out is one of the best things for me to do...it centers me and its just me, myself, and i and my favorite thing in life...MUSIC...

i sit back and observe alot of stuff and some things make me smile and some things make me shake my head

i have really come to the conclusion though of who are my real people and those that love me dearly no matter what, and boy do i love those people, they always love on me and i love right back....that's life-the good life, that no matter where life has taken us, we are still right there for each other that's family

and those who are simply fake like they do but don't know anything about me...but how can they know me if they don't' know themselves...DING

i am falling in love with my house more and more i am falling in love more with my life i am falling in love with me again...

why must we put ourselves through such changes...

now "Golden" by Jilly from Philly is playing...you know she based this off of Maze Ft. Frankie Beverly's "Golden Time of Day" which is the song that this blog is based off of...

every year since i began this blog in what 2006, i have thought that i was stepping into my "golden time of day" and every year i learned another lesson that led me to know i hadn't gotten to that point yet...or so i thought...i think that every year's lesson has helped build me to the woman i have and am still continuing to become...

i think that its not necessarily about one particular time of day or moment or year or event...

its about despite any and everything that comes your way that YOU chose to live life like its GOLDEN that I learn to accept who i am and be ME, cleava, moving on & on, searching, knowing that only I can walk in my shoes...

approvals from others no longer motivates me its knowing that the way HE (GOD) loves me is enough to feel me up with an inner peace that only knowing him can give

all over the place i know but hopefully you could follow me...if not its ok...

because i got it and that's who needed to get it...

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

happy randomness

that's how i feel
happy and at peace

this time next month all will be done and the house will finally be in my name

one of my co-workers stated today that he didn't understand how or why people feel or believe that buying a house is such an investment...i just looked at him, i started to debate him but he's the time that likes to say stuff just to spark a debate...and because i know that's how he is i just smile and keep it moving...

i had one of the BEST weekends i have had in a long time, every single day of the 3 day weekend i was able to hang out not only with myself but with some VERY special people

Friday i went to philly philly to get my hair done...YES i drive 2 and 1/2 hours to get my hair done...and the entire way up the road i was JAMIN out to Roy Ayers Greatest HITS...when i say i had the best time riding and doing my thing i did the sun was shining and me and truck was riding...
i did have one incident where i backed up over this like high rock thing in a residental so i pushed my muffler back into the plastic piece on the left side making it rub against the back wheel...
i didn't worry about it i said a lil prayer and wouldn't you have it that i was able to stop at a tire place and the man that was behind the counter pulled the muffler out and didn't charge me a dime...BLESSED...

so i headed to NJ to meet up with my college ex's sister and mom for dinner...it was like old times, i hadn't seen either one of them in 3 years since mom mom funeral and it was like we never skipped a beat those are my girls they were and will always be family, his sister just got engaged and asked me to be in her wedding...i was totally honored and told her yes

saturday
i chilled i saw my 5 year old nephew play basketball his time won the game you wanna know the score...8 to 6, he hit the winning basket...it was the most HALARIOUS site watching 5 year olds run up and down a court and play defense...he was good though...best sport i've seen him play so far, but my brother could ball...

that night i hit the movies with two of my home girls from training collegues but they are more than just collegues we saw Avatar and hit noodle & co. it was cheap and good just like i like it...

Sunday
i thought i was going to church, however i was up with the dog saturday night because he threw up (we'll get to him in a second) and then he woke me up mad early smh...then i went to target and bought a brand new vacum that is AWESOME it's one of the cool hepa filter joints...and all this doggie deordoraizing stuff...i am anal about my house, i won't even let to many people come over because there is still work that needs to be done...i know i am amazing...lol...then i put the chicken breasts in the oven and off to another wedding meeting i went...i merely planned to help with this wedding but then i ended up being a hostess/lady in waiting, one of the girls...again completely unexpected and totally honored i am...

this saturday my favorite one and only lil big sis' baby shower is going down...i am so happy for her and its going to be a site to be seen...we goes all out...i spent a grip on decorations alone...but that's how i do for those i love all out i go...we go...because she will do the same for me when its my time...

all this love is AWESOME and it makes me happy you know

oh Carter...he lasted all of 4 days in the land of C...lol
at first it was all good he was getting adjusted and things and my brother and i were making sure he wasn't home too long by himself so we could bound with him...well last night i went to my kiamsha meeting (the kids rock by the way) and i come in the house and i am like what is that smell...yep the dog peed on the blanket ON MY OTTOMAN

so i was heated i was heated in the first place that my brother let the dog even get up on my stuff the first day here that shouldn't have been allowed (i did tell you i was mad anal about my house stuff, it being clean, it smelling good...yea a dog might not been the BEST idea for me...)

so i get over it and i figure he must not be feeling right because he was house broken and he knows better...

so i clean it up and go to bed
next thing i know this morning i hear my brother yelling from the basement and him coming up the steps hollering about how he was taking the dog back!
evidently the dog had peed not once but TWICE while in the bed with him (yea i don't know why he was allowed in the bed either-but i sho would have paid GOOD money to see his face)
so the dog is gone...we are both in agreement that we have to get a puppy that we can train from the jump
no on furniture
house broken
house pad broken
listens
and loves to have fun...

we'll get one soon...

man i can feel the difference in me can you...

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

one step closer

i am one step closer to being a home owner...

i never thought it would such an excited feeling but i am i am SO excited to know that in this economy and the way the mortgage rules have become so strict that i can qualify by myself...

i wondered if i should share that, but i think that when you are single and young, its so nice to hear that other people are successful and doing well...and that's all that's for is to inspire you...

i know when i found out and how low the rate is i am like WOW this is awesome...

like i really feel like the year is starting off in ways that i could have never imagined...

six months ago i wouldn't have thought i would be in such a state of peace but i am...i definitely couldn't sleep the last past couple of nights because the different estimates and not knowing which way to go but i discussed it with my parents and we came to the best decision...

everything is falling into place there's more i keep wanting to blog the random thoughts that pop into my head

like it should be a law that says when its this cold or over 95 degrees you shouldn't be required to go to work

i am not liking my hair right now

i wanted to get a new car this year but who knows we have to see how the year goes

i will definitely have a 30th birthday party i don't know what i am going to do a cookout a 80s party who knows

i still have some work to do to the house...mainly repainting in the bedrooms and furniture in the second bedroom found that already at Ikea

i want more work clothes my clothes are everywhere i don't know what i have

i wish my job required uniforms because that would make my life much easier...i sometimes i like getting did up but other times, just to go to work i could frankly CARE less...i don't even put on lip gloss in the morning sad i know but true

i got into a debate with one of my co-workers today because he swears that Ben's Chilli Bowl is the best hot dog in the city...i told him it was overrated my man on the corner 11 & G got the best and you can get one with all the toppings you want a bag of chips and a soda for $3.50! what...my debating skills are still not to be messed with...

maybe i should go to law school...my job will pay for degrees, any kind you can think of EXCEPT a JD so ummmmmmmmmmmm gotta think about that one...we shall see though...

and the house needs new windows...

i probably will have to get some other little things done...we'll see though...

one thing for is for sure with a house you're never done

but i finally feel like this is MY house no MY HOME!
and i'll finally have some company i am getting a dog-Carter should be home any minute!

Sunday, January 03, 2010

I feel better than i felt before...2010




Just listen to the lyrics!
2010 had me starting it out with a postive attitude and I feel more like myself, or even better me and I haven't felt this way in a LONG time...

Attitude will determine Altitude in the 2010...already GOD is showing me where I should and should NOT be...

Here we GO ready for the best that life and love have to offer...starting with loving ME